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March 13, 2020

We will Never Believe we are Enough.

 

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With 23,852 photos on my phone, I knew it was time to save and delete the past (make room for the new me right?).

Scrolling back from two years ago, (gosh, was that already two years ago?), I noticed something about myself: two years ago, I felt like a hopeless mess. What was I doing with my life?

Why was there an extra roll of fat there?
Why was my skin so dull?
Why did I have that lost look emanating from my being?

At least, that was my perception of myself back then.

Scrolling through the photos now, I realised something.

I wasn’t as lost as I thought I was, my hips weren’t as round as I thought they were, my skin wasn’t as blemished as I thought it was, my radiance wasn’t as dull as I thought it was.

Sitting at home, scrolling through the version of me two years ago, I saw how warped my perception of myself was.

I thought I wasn’t good enough.
I thought I wasn’t doing enough.
I thought I wasn’t successful enough.

It wasn’t true.

I stopped scrolling for a moment to think about what I thought about myself right now.

Am I still thinking I am not good enough, doing enough, or successful enough?

Woah.

Yes, I am.

Will I look back at myself in two years and think, “Why was I so hard on myself?” Yes, I will. And that deeply saddens me.

And if I am being hard on myself, you must be too.

So pause for a moment, scroll back to the beginning of your camera roll, and take a moment to appreciate how amazing you truly were and are, then read the below:

You really aren’t as fat as you think you are
You really aren’t as lacking as you think you are
You really aren’t as ugly as you think you are
You really aren’t as incapable as you think you are
You really aren’t as judgemental as you think you are
You really aren’t as anxious as you think you are
You really aren’t as awkward as you think you are
You really aren’t as distant as you think you are
You really aren’t as guarded as you think you are
You really aren’t as fearful as you think you are
You really aren’t as much of a struggle as you think you are
You really aren’t as wrong as you think you are

You really aren’t as far from who you think you want to be as you think you are.

You really aren’t.

~

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