5.2
April 14, 2020

COVID-19 Is Not the Reason to Message your Ex.

Check out Elephant’s Continually-updating Coronavirus Diary. ~ Waylon

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Being in the lockdown can feel extremely lonely if you’re single and all by yourself.

You may engage in a number of self-destructive activities trying to cope with social distancing, loneliness, and self-isolation.

Too many cookies, countless glasses of wine, and potato chips.

And then on top of that a text to your ex.

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Feeling upset, vulnerable, lonely. Thinking:

Oh I’m not so sure that my ex was not the right person for me.
Maybe I could reconnect with my ex.
We could start over.

Before you do, ask yourself these three questions:

Why did you two break up?

Whether he broke up with you or you broke up with him, there are reasons for that.

It could be that he wasn’t showing up in the way you wanted. You have completely different visions for the future. He wants children while you can only take care of your cat. You want to be married and dream about the happily ever after while he doesn’t really think that a monogamous relationship is for him.

Try to remember the reasons you broke up before messaging him.

Can you be with that person if nothing changes?

His past actions have already shown you what kind of person he is. When you’re reaching for your phone because you’re feeling lonely while locked at home, try to remember the things that you find challenging about your ex.

Are you happy to get back together if he doesn’t change his ways? He’s distant, emotionally unavailable, quite narcissistic, and sometimes even abusive. You still don’t like his parents and his friends are driving you insane. Can you accept him for who he is if nothing changes?

 

Can you handle going through all that again?

A breakup is one of the most painful things to get through. It has taken you so much time, energy, ice cream, self-help books, therapy sessions, and positive affirmations to recover. Do you really want to put yourself through that again?

Before you reach out to him, just ask yourself if it’s worth reconnecting with that person and going 10 steps backward. You might be thinking it’s just an innocent text and you just want to find out how he is. Sometimes an innocent text turns into two years of going back-and-forth.

It’s tough being all alone in the lockdown, but there are so many other things you could be doing, and so many other people you could be talking to—that does not involve someone who might be a great person, but is not so great for your sanity and well-being.

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