April 16, 2020

For those who are Feeling Sh*t they’ve Never Felt Before.

Check out Elephant’s Continually-updating Coronavirus Diary. ~ Waylon

We are in a collective state of trauma and grief.

That anger you feel,
That paralyzing fear,
That intense grief and sadness,
That is the collective shadow
We are all being asked to feel.

There is nowhere to run,
Nowhere to hide,
Nowhere to bury our heads
In the sand.

Some of us are getting hit
We are feeling it in
Our bodies,
In our entire being.

The absolute weight of
This energy,
It feels like it’s sucking
Us in,
And not spitting us back out.

A collective grief cycle.
Ancestral healing on center stage,
But first we must see it all.

I don’t know about you,
But I am feeling some sh*t
I haven’t felt in a long time,
Primal anger and aggression,
Deep collapse of depression and
Walls closing in around me,
Such utter malcontent for life.

I can’t get control of it.
I cannot get out of it.
My old coping skills
Are not only not working,
But adding fuel to the fire.

It feels utterly and
Completely dismal.

Why can’t I shake myself out of it,
Dear God, how can I be
So lost in my own emotions right now?

I feel like I have a right to be,
The angry one inside
Says it’s about damn time
I notice her.

Even if she scares the
Living sh*t out of me.
Her horned ears,
Her scaling skin,
Her writhing teeth,
Her messy hair.

She is wild.
She is so untamed.
I have been trying so damn
Hard to tame her,
To numb her,
But she isn’t following
Command anymore.

These parts of ourselves
Pushed into the shadows,
Are now here again.

The aspects of self
Cut off,
Severed from our being,
Collectively we are feeling it,
Trying to process these
Intense emotions
Around it all.

Traumatic experiences,
Require a full processing
Of the event,
That’s what we are doing,
Processing the “event.”

All the emotions around the
Event of loss,
Lack of freedom.

Grief comes in waves.
Collapsed energy,
Circles of grief.

We are processing it all.

Doing the best we can
Even if that feels
Like utter chaos,
And internal turmoil.

There is so much
More happening
Beneath the surface.

Not just about what’s
Being told,
We are feeling the depths
Of our ancestral lines,
The deep pressure of it all.
Waves crashing all around.


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