May 28, 2020

We are Living in a Nightmare—it’s Okay if we’re Not Okay.

Elephant’s Continually-updating Coronavirus Diary. ~ Waylon

It’s worse than the big, bad wolf at my door, the monsters hiding under my bed, terrible tornadoes that shake the house, and zealous zombies.

The things that scare us are peculiar, varied, various, and strange. While we are all uniquely different, there are some things we experience the same.

Now say this part out loud, believe it, feel it, own it, speak it: it’s okay not to be okay. We woke up in a global pandemic!

Fear is a sickness we all feel. COVID-19 takes our breath away. It attacks the body, starting with the lungs, and can lead to death.

I am a worrying warrior, so in March I did prepare.
But how could we ever be ready for a disease that attacks in midair?

I am standing in the grocery store watching the world around me quicken,
trying to figure out what to gather. Toilet paper, peanut butter, tuna, or chicken?

Feeling crazy, it’s like shopping for the holidays without any gifts or Christmas cheer.
We watched it terrorize China and Italy, and dear God, now it is here.

We are worried but prepared the best we could,
I keep trying to tell myself, “I’m okay. We’re good.”

Now repeat this part out loud again. Believe it, feel it, understand it, and speak it: it’s okay not to be okay. We woke up in a global pandemic!

Eyes fixed and ears wide-open to local news—CNBC, CNN, and Facebook reporters.
Body counts and infection rates rising,
then came stay-at-home orders.

There’s been the loss of health and life for many—the loss of jobs and money for some.
Loss of freedom, loss of common sense, loss of civility,
and now here it comes.

Waves of worry come again.
Loss of energy while binge-watching Netflix (and Hulu too).
Meditate, breathe, wash your hands, wear a mask,
just do whatever you can do.

Do I feel warm? Was that a sneeze?

Do I feel like I am about to cough?
Searching the symptoms on Web MD, information from the CDC,
and finally, I shut it all off.

Quarantine, stay six feet away, hunker down at home—it feels like we’re on day 211.
I know folks who have recovered
and some that have left for heaven.

It wasn’t a hoax at all, in conclusion.
It wasn’t a monster either.
It was a moment for us all to slow down and carefully take a breather.

There is no “new normal,” I doubt that we will ever really be the same again.
I miss hanging out with family,
and I really miss hugging friends.

I tried to do it all in stride: home-school my kid, cook, work, and rest.
To be calm during everything and love on my family—I really did my best.

How it all ends is now anyone’s guess.
Please stay safe and be blessed, my friends.

Deep breath this time, whisper it with feeling,
just keep speaking it ’til you believe it:

It’s okay not to be okay. We woke up in a global pandemic!

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