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May 25, 2020

It’s Okay to have a Depth that Scares the F*cking Sh*t out of People.

I’ve always known that I see the world through a different lens than most, and have recently acknowledged that I never behave accordingly.

There are certain things in life that people just don’t say or articulate to others in social environments, and therefore choose to keep to themselves. Well, those are the things that I just have to confess, and I guess you could say this is what makes me one of those people—the people who are “too much.”

How does it feel when you believe that you’re just “too much” for society, too much for your social group, too much for people in general? How do you navigate life with this feeling?

One thing’s for sure: I know that we’re not alone in this.

Watching female comedian Whitney Cummings’ interview with Joe Rogan, I was captivated by their talk—especially when she spoke of her experience of being “too much.”

It resonated with me when she explained that she could handle most insults in life, but the one that affected her the most was something an ex had said while leaving her. Something along the lines of, “You know what you’re problem is? You’re just too much.”

Being too much emotionally for others can hurt; it’s rejection, right? If only we could just learn to bottle it all up and calmly release each and every emotion like toxic waste. But just because we’re taught that it’s more acceptable to behave one way than it is the other, doesn’t necessarily make it right, or even the other way wrong.

Like Whitney, I’m also too much. My emotions sometimes have so much depth to them that the feeling is similar to falling to the bottom of the ocean and drowning.

I’m incredibly emotional. I choose to use my emotions to make decisions. I’m not saying it’s worked out for me, but it’s something that I don’t believe I have a choice in, as it’s something that I feel compelled to do. The more we explain or justify ourselves, the more removed from people we feel.

But we who are too much have value.

Those of us who are emotionally “too much” for society make the best artists and creators because we navigate life through feeling.

We’re able to write poetically as we feel the words that move from our fingertips and onto the keys in such a way that it’s almost as if our body is simply the vessel that life is expressing through.

Perhaps those words turn into lyrics in a song and we are somehow able to articulate that back to an audience who may not be able to feel or express that so easily. We stir up something deep within others enabling them to think or feel differently.

The world needs people like us—the people who have opinions that others can’t somehow fathom.

We’re the human beings who don’t have time for small talk as we want to get to the heart of the things that matter. We also want to talk about things that are uncomfortable, dissect them, and perhaps see if we can somehow put them back together again and in a way that we and others can understand or rationalise.

We’re the deep thinkers who choose to get to know people on the level that most find uncomfortable. We want to see those layers unravel as we get to the heart of others, where their soul resides.

We chose to listen to others’ hopes and dreams and go deeper to find out why and how they’ve arrived in their unique space.

We’re the people who want to see the sides of others’ personalities that they choose to hide from the rest of the world and discover the reason why.

Why? Because we want to experience all of life and humanity, and not just at its best; not the polished, packaged version that so many are happy to show the world.

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

Being “too much” often means that we stand alone whilst people choose to voluntarily withdraw from us; but that doesn’t mean to say that they are right and we are wrong.

Hang on in there, my friends. There are more crustaceans like you and I that live on the deepest bed of the ocean.

It’s okay if some live our lives above the surface and that makes us happy, but it’s also okay if some of us have a depth that scares the f*cking sh*t out of most people.

It’s okay if you’re too much. This is what makes the world go around—that we’re all so very different. We can learn from each other.

We need all sorts of friends with varying depths however, I choose my deep friends wisely. Those who I choose as my “people” need to be able to swim to the bottom of the ocean with me.

Bonus: Here’s that video with Whitney:

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