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I was talking to my best friend from high school a few months ago.
We regularly have deep conversations about love, life, health, men, passions—everything we are encountering in life. These beautiful exchanges happen over coffee, walks, wine, food, or FaceTime (quarantine connections). It’s a sacred relationship rooted in honesty, acceptance, and truth. Twenty-one years of living and growing in friendship will do this.
We were talking about relationships and what we were looking for. I don’t have a type of person in mind; I don’t have a checklist of external attributes such as profession, looks, or measures of success. I don’t even have a race preference (as well documented in the diversity of men I’ve dated). What I do have is a desire to be embraced, valued, and accepted as a divine, feminine creature who is full of wild energy and love. I used to think that I was “a lot to handle” and, therefore, needed the right person who could handle me. That makes me sound like a burden, not a wild, divine, heart-centered woman. My assessment has matured, and that day, over coffee, I expressed it for the first time. I told my friend that I wanted a man who would stoke the divine feminine fire inside of me. Damn right. The thought, which had just come to life, resonated so much I typed it in my phone to muse on later.
I want this in a romantic partner; someone who will embrace, love, and nurture the profound, wild energy that resides in and fuels me. I won’t settle for anything less. In the past, I’ve approached relationships with my mind—analyzing and justifying why I should give someone a chance or why I should continue dating them. But, the divine internal flame within me does not reside in my brain. It resides in my core, and that fire fuels my knowing, my power, and my desires. When I meet the right man, who embraces and fuels my internal flame, I’ll know it deep within my body, not in my brain. I will feel and know it.
While I wait for the universe to bring my future partner and me together, my work is to stoke this divine internal flame myself, allowing it to burn brighter and brighter. This flame is my pure life force energy and, if cared for, will lead to living a life of passion, creativity, and sheer radiance. In fact, the more I stoke my divine flame, the more radiant and energized I will become, which will, in turn, attract a partner who desires that fire for himself.
To cultivate this way of living, I’m paying attention to what makes me feel radiant, excited, passionate, or lit up, and doing it. Every damn day. I’m following longings and desires and incorporating them into my life. Some of these things include being in nature, listening to beautiful music (cue Van Morrison), reading mystical prose and poetry (Rumi and St. Teresa of Avila), writing, meditating, fasting, and going on long drives to catch a sunset or full moon.
I am curating a life that embraces and fuels my inner divine fire with bold, unapologetic, and loving zeal.
Here’s to finding and fanning the divine fire inside of us all.