6.5
June 20, 2020

I am 28 years old—& I don’t know if I like Men or Women.

 

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I am 28 years old, and I don’t know if I like men or women.

I wasn’t allowed to date, and now that I am free to do so, I don’t know which avenue to take.

How does one know what they like?

Is it a feeling? If so, what does it feel like? What do you feel?

Did you explore? If so, how does this work exactly?

How do I know?

I know I don’t like almond milk, but love soy. I will choose chocolate ice cream over vanilla, coffee over tea, and french fries over a salad. I kind of like celery, but I’m on the fence. At least I know this.

Ask me, though, if I like men, women, or both, and I wouldn’t be able to tell you.

My therapist says I should explore this, but how does one explore?

Will I know what I like or will my experiences feel similar to my relationship with celery?

I saw an attractive guy today and felt nothing. I was more fixated on picking out chocolate ice cream.

My friends are always talking my ear off about their relationships, and I am not sure how to respond. I try to sound empathetic, but all stories about celery are the same.

I went on a date last year and felt nothing. I shook his hand to say thank you. He looked shocked and walked away.

Maybe I’m dating the wrong people. Maybe I don’t like men. Maybe dating isn’t for me. I want to hope there’s hope, but celery is boring, and I would rather spend my days writing and reading novels.

My homework is to explore my sexuality.

I wish there were a study guide.

For now, I’ll put a sign on my car as new drivers do to alert those around me that I have no clue as to what I am doing.

If I accidentally hurt you, I’m sorry. I am new at this.

~

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