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July 22, 2020

The Pandemic is Triggering our Old Wounds—This is How we Heal.

 

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I’m a therapist by day and a creative by night, I often say.

I work to help people heal and am aware of what led me to do the work I do: my own wounding.

As long as we live, we will experience life events and trauma. This is the human experience. But when trauma impacts every part of our life and what we do, this is a problem. That’s why healing our trauma is life-changing.

To heal often requires more than self-help from books, podcasts, and literature. A therapist can be an excellent facilitator for healing and growth.

For many, the pandemic is stirring up “old stuff” as we’re isolated. I have experienced this myself when my grief revisited, as did some early attachment wounds, including the “mother wound.” This wound sometimes shows up when we’re faced with unhealthy relationships, people pleasing, looking for validation, and struggles within our relationships.

When we’ve experienced this wound, we want to do everything we can for people to love and accept us, because in the end isn’t that what we all want? To be seen and heard? I know this all too well myself!

I had a wonderful childhood; my parents were loving and kind and I am blessed to have my mother still with me. What impacted me was my parents’ own repressed trauma. Today I am aware of this and have done my fair share of therapy, as most therapists do to process their own stuff and to be and stay healthy and balanced.

The mother wound may present at various times in our life, and if we’re unaware of what it is, we can find ourselves questioning, “Am I crazy?” This can happen in relationships, but also when women find out they’re expecting, after the birth of their children, or even after their child has a child and they become a grandparent. These events can for sure bring up our “old stuff.” And while I write this as a woman, any person can experience these feelings as well. This wound does not discriminate between genders, although I do believe we experience it differently, based on our experiences.

How can the pandemic trigger this wound you might ask? Trauma can re-trigger trauma, leading us to revisit issues from the past. If we’re single, we might ask, “Will I always be alone?” If we’re in a partnership or with children, we might feel the stress and pressure of wondering if they are doing enough or feeling good enough. During challenging times, we can struggle to see the positives and strengths that we possess. We can fall back into old, unhelpful patterns of behavior.

If you are reading this and these words resonate, I want to tell you that you are not alone. You are not crazy! Awareness is everything, as is insight.

How do we work on healing these wounds? We practice self-love and loving-kindness toward ourselves, our children, and others. We start to talk to ourselves with the sweetest, most compassionate voice. We do this each and every day, and slowly we nurture, support, and heal our inner child wounds. This is a process and one that can benefit from the help of a therapist. We slowly begin to show up for ourselves; saying yes to what we need first and to what others need second is an important skill and boundary to learn. One that I myself continue to work on.

What brings me great joy is seeing people transcend past the pain and trauma and live their life to the fullest. There is always hope, new beginnings, fresh starts, and new chapters.

The greatest relationship we will ever have, first and foremost, is with ourselves, which is why my new mantra is “life and love are always unfolding.” Love is, after all, the highest vibration, and self-love is the ultimate love. It is the love we are meant to experience—it is our birthright.

And seeking a therapist to help us work through painful and difficult emotions and past history trauma is not a weakness. It is a sign of great strength. We are all on this life journey learning, evolving, and growing. Trauma is a part of life, but what we do with it is up to us.

May you be well and supported. Wishing you light and love!

~

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