*Warning: well-deserved cursing ahead!
It has been said that I am an arsehole.
It has also been pointed out (once or twice) that what my mouth doesn’t say, my face does. I am the alpha friend, the strong one, the no-nonsense purveyor of all things truth and try. I operate within a bullshit-free zone.
I am the one who speaks when some may not—the unemotional, detached, and sometimes arrogant, hard-faced bitch who won’t mince her words to spare your feelings. I am that person. I am the one who tells it like it is. The one you can be sure will not pander to your insecurities—the insensitive one, the sharp one who has been known to make a friend cry and feels little shame for it.
Am I a narcissist? I possibly carry some minor traits (don’t we all?) But, am I uncaring? Not intentionally. Would I rather hurt you with the truth than protect you with a lie? abso-fucking-lutely.
You see, what can be perceived as cold and as having an “iceberg manner” outwardly, is internally anything but that.
In my head, I am being the best friend I can possibly be by bearing the truth. The truth is sharp, hard, cruel, and often misunderstood. However, it is, and will always be, the most selfless form of friendship. It is the only way I can be, and if that is not okay with you…you probably need to find another friend.
I will not tell you he is a good man if he is clearly mistreating you. I will not tell you what you want to hear because I fear to lose you. I will not massage your self-esteem because I fear offending you. I will tell you what you need to hear because if I don’t, who will?
I am never cruel for being cruel’s sake. I am loyal and committed to my friends and would never knowingly hurt them. But, I am not someone who will blow sunshine up their arse if they are being unreasonable. There are already many fake and fair-weather friends who will happily do that for them. Aside from that, a friendship based on curating egos is not one I want to be part of.
Friendship is the ugly truth, the harsh reality; it is sitting silently through the other’s pain because there really are little words to say. It’s saying this is shitty, but you are not alone. It is not promising it will all be okay because we cannot make such assurances. It is not agreeable just to be liked.
But it is assuring that they will have a hand to hold during the hardship. It is promising an ear that will listen and support to carry you through the jagged days. Friendship is about sitting outside in the rain with your friend, being uncomfortable about being drenched, but doing it anyway. It is doing all of that while telling them why you think the rain started (especially if they started it).
For me, my honest and sometimes hostile approach is wholly misunderstood. I have a heart, and I love fiercely. But I also have a duty to care for my friends, to ensure that if they make the same mistake again and again, I didn’t let them do it without offering my take. You see, people will make mistakes repeatedly, and that is okay, but being quiet in the face of that to protect an ego is not on my friendship to-do list.
Let’s embrace our blunt friends for the shining stars that they are. Remember, they love you and truly believe they are protecting you from further pain.
That love is often delivered in a TNT-style blow, but that is just their way. You will always benefit from the truth. Truth is love, and love is friendship, and sometimes that isn’t easy nor comfortable, but it doesn’t make it any lesser or real.