How do you remove these 30 theoretical weighted blankets so you can breathe?
I would often wake up in the middle of the night with, what I now know, was a panic attack.
The days, intentionally, were busy, but it was the stillness of the night that brought forth the self-conversations that I choose to ignore in the day.
To breathe at night, under these blankets, was nearly impossible.
The night cumulated the anxious thoughts from the day that I had learned to park and turned them into a panic attack. Years of those nights resolved, positively, in a divorce. But this is not about that. This is about the weighted blankets we carry at night because we choose to ignore the obvious during the day.
This is about ignoring the anxious thoughts because we think such thoughts make us weak.
This is about assuming that ignoring the issues will make them go away.
This is about not knowing how to lift these blankets.
Here is how:
1. Don’t stay in bed. Stand up and crack open a window, safely, and take deep breaths.
2. Write. Write like no one is reading (and make sure no one is reading); your words need not be diplomatic. Write what you feel, and slowly your resolve will appear.
3. Remember you matter, and you are not alone. Darkness seems like a lonely place only because not many speak of their sleepless nights but know that you are not alone.
4. Use the night to write and the day to think. In the daytime, read your words and reread them. Girl, plan your life—because you will not be treated any other way than respectful.
5. Can you sustain this life forever? If yes, then choose it and make peace. If not, cry, wash your face, sit at a table during the day, and plan your life. The world will adjust.
Breathe, my darling, for our worries may never go away, but you will then know how to plan, solve, and deal. And that will be your forever superpower.