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August 11, 2020

Letting Go of One-Sided Relationships on Social Media.

The past months have been wonderful and cray-cray all at the same time.

I have been at home, like many, awaiting the return to the working world.

I ask myself, what will that look like? What will I choose differently and what will I keep consistent?

Let’s address our social media feeds, shall we?

I have some friends who have 2,500 friends and others who have 50 friends—no judgements here, simply observations.

Little tricks like unfollow or snooze—even unfriending—help eliminate material on the feed that is harsh in nature, too repetitive, irrelevant, and so on. So why is it that so many of us seemingly struggle with using these options to protect our emotional well-being?

I invite you to ask yourself this question about your own social media experience.

Raising teens and an upcoming tween, I have learned quite a bit about what social media means to our younger generations.

Likes, follows, shares, comments, justification, praise, and acknowledgements are important to this age group (at least a little, anyway). This is not only the case with kids, but with grown-ups, too.

This is okay. This is how our kids feel connected, but it can take a slippery slope.

I am a writer. I share my pieces in a variety of forms and yes, my social media is a big space where I do that; it’s how I self-promote and encourage the same of others.

I love the conversations in that doing so can spark, and I love seeing my friends and family succeeding in their lives, relationships, and businesses, too.

Sometimes, I question about mixing business (or simply not really “friend” relationships) with personal ones online. Is that healthy? How do we know? Are only certain people affected by this?

The answer is in our gut.

The immediate answer is usually how we truly feel when we ask ourselves questions like this. Not that thinking things through isn’t good for us—of course it is.

Rash decisions and flip of the switch reactions do not ever serve us well, but when we mull something over or notice it popping up in our thoughts often, our life is speaking to us.

Balance is the key here.

Do you find balance in your friends list?

Are you on the constant end of the reaching out?

Is there any effort at all from others to interact, share, and converse?

I invite you to ask yourself these questions.

If the answer is no, this is okay. It does not mean anything is wrong. It can mean a million things, actually. If this is something that has you feeling in a low space or even lonely, I assure you that you are in abundant company.

I have recently made a brave decision to unfriend on social media the relationships I feel are one-sided.

Harsh? Well, maybe. But I truly believe in looking out for me and caring deeply for my emotional and mental well-being by making my life and the interactions, conversations, and experiences in it balanced.

Yeah, we’re all “busy,” but you know what? We all prioritize uniquely, too. No shame here—no guilting either. This is simple observing. Do you prioritize your social media friends? Is the relationship balanced? Do you feel you are a priority?

If this feels like an exhausting job, it does not have to feel this way. Life is rough, we are all trying our best, and when our gut says to us this person is a friend, a frenemy, a contact, or “how do I know you?” I think it is in line with living our best life.

We are allowed to be needy and to be comfortable with bouts of silence and distance.

At some point in our cyber journey, we will all be unfollowed, unliked, or unfriended even.

We are not everyone’s cup of social media tea.

“Remember:

We are allowed to be needy and to be comfortable with bouts of silence and distance.

We are not everyone’s cup of social media tea.

At some point in our cyber journey, we will all be unfollowed, unliked, or unfriended even.”

If you feel so inclined to be the unfollower, unsubscriber, or unfriender, be ready for it and when the questions come, “Why, what did I do wrong, how could you?” be honest, dammit. Own it, and be real.

It can sting when this happens to us. Without a proper conversation though, we will likely not know, and, sometimes, not knowing is okay. Sometimes, the relationship was not soul-deep.

We can be grateful for the times, but nothing stands still forever. If we use our personal social accounts to be personal, it is going to feel personal at times. If we use our social accounts as strictly business or for fun and kicks and not to get deep and such, that is perfectly fine, too.

Making the two mesh can be a dance that takes patience, time, and practice. Sometimes, we feel the need to switch partners or dance studios altogether, and this is okay.

Have the conversations, if you need to. If you have to let go of some dance partners, just do it. No relationship should feel one-sided.

Unfriending someone on social media does not mean anything until we clarify—assumptions never do us any good.

If we really want to know or tell, we should speak up and be real. Have the private, soul-deep conversation you need to have and if the need to have it is not there, then don’t.

Life is too short to battle with emotional upset over social media.

Let go, know your people, focus on them, focus on your gifts and who makes you feel you are a gift, and most importantly, keep business as business.

~

 

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