5.6
August 26, 2020

One Day You’ll Miss Me.

One day, you’re going to wake up to find nothing but emptiness around you.

In the cold silence of your heart, you will face the void of the place where I once stood defiantly.

One day, you’re going to realize that at some point on this journey, while your head was turned the other direction, I silently removed myself like a well-planned heist. Only the goal wasn’t to steal precious jewels, but rather to protect the most precious jewel I own—my heart.

One day, you are going to wonder whatever happened to me. Maybe you’ll fondly remember how I used to hang on your every word or how the love shared between us felt like ecstasy, like the most sacred and divine connection you had ever known.

One day, it’s going to hit you like a punch in the gut when you finally embrace all that you lost—you’ll gasp for breath, tears streaming down your cheeks as you come to terms with the loss of everything that might have been.

One day, you are going to pick up your phone to message me, but the realization that it’s too late will creep into the crevices of your mind, planting seeds of doubt within your consciousness.

I imagine that one day you are going to wish you had done differently by me and treated my bleeding heart—which you held within your careless hands—with the upmost care and concern. You’re going to feel the shudder of chills down your spine with the realization that what you once had was sacred, as your now empty hands are finally able to grasp that fact.

One day, you are going to learn that playing games in love serves no one but yourself, and you’re going to wish you hadn’t wasted so many precious years hurting the one who loved you so entirely.

Like stalled hands on an old grandfather clock, I imagine that one day you’ll wake up and realize that you can think of no one but me, and you’ll scour your home looking for anything to fix it—only to come up empty-handed. It will feel like your mind is simply stuck in an era that no longer exists with a woman who finally had enough.

One day, you are going to meet someone who sweeps you off your feet and you’re going to risk everything to be with her only to find she doesn’t feel the same way about you. In that moment, I hope you remember me. I hope that you reflect upon the woman who risked everything to be with you only to come up short in the end.

One day, I hope you see that loving someone involves risk. I hope you’ll see that love is a form of gambling, only there is no pit boss to make sure everyone is playing by the same rules—and the only thing at stake is your heart. Maybe then you’ll finally grasp that the stakes are high and that losing feels awful.

One day, I hope that my silence feels deafening. I hope that you look for anything to placate the feelings of agony over the loss of what was, only to find that the only remedy is the very thing you pushed away.

One day, your heart is going to scream louder than your head, and you’re going to wish you had heard its cries long before I vanished.

Like a ghost, one day I imagine there won’t be enough sage in the world to rid you of my essence.

One day you’re going to miss me. You’re going to wake up in the dead of night in a cold sweat feeling like your stomach is eating away at your insides because you lost me. You’re going to wish you had seen what was standing right in front of you for all those years, and for the first time in your life, you’re going to find some empathy for what I went through when it came to loving you.

One day, you’re going to finally feel the pangs of a broken heart and the echo of the love that was practically shouting at you while you were too busy looking in the other direction.

One day, you’re going to wake up to find nothing but emptiness around you. In the cold silence of your heart, you will face the void of the place where I once stood defiantly.

I imagine that’s the day you’ll come to terms with the imprint of my soul upon your heart, and you’ll wonder why you chose to stay unawakened toward the very thing that was sent to wake you up.

One day, you are going to try and find me again, like a well-planned heist. Only this time, I hope you understand that the precious jewel that rests within my rib cage will not be given to you so freely—nor will it be up for grabs.

I imagine that one day, the full magnitude of what you lost is going to feel far worse than any fear you ever owned and you’re going to long for one more day…

With me.

~

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