I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that man you are in love with who isn’t choosing you is not the one for you.
Believe me when I tell you that no amount of sex appeal, good looks, or any other pleasure that you can offer to delight his senses will make him stay.
I don’t think I am the first woman to speak on this, and I know I won’t be the last, but please hear me when I tell you that the one who is constantly telling you goodbye is not the one for you.
Sis, don’t you know that you deserve someone who wants to be in your life?
Don’t you know you deserve someone who not only sees your fire, but stands in the center of it with you, without breaking eye contact?
Do you understand that your essence is what will make the right man rise up and meet you instead of cower away?
I speak about this as a woman who knows how important the inner work is in any dynamic, but I also speak as a woman who has loved the wrong man for far too long. I can look back now and see where my own codependent tendencies led me to that place, and I can have gratitude for the one who reflected my deepest wounding and shame—but don’t we all deserve that person who will do the same with us? Don’t we all deserve the man who desires to be the king in our lives and not the pauper?
I’m not saying that he didn’t love you or that he doesn’t love you. He might, but I think the real question here is: how much do you love yourself?
Do you love yourself enough to accept the choices you have made when it comes to relating in love? More importantly, do you respect yourself enough to walk away from the man who is not treating you as though are the most rare gem he has ever discovered?
Because you are a rare gem. In fact, you are so rare, there is never going to be another you again on planet Earth. Recently, I saw a quote that read:
“You are an unrepeatable miracle.” ~ Unknown
So maybe he doesn’t see the miracle that you are—does that make it any less true? No. Not even a little bit. We can only love as deeply as we love ourselves, which means he can only see you as deeply as he sees himself, and this also means his lack of care and concern for you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with where he is on his path. You deserve to be honored and cherished.
I’m not saying that this man should cater to your every whim, and my hope is that he will know how to say “no” to you sometimes (we all need that), but what I am saying is that you are worthy of a man who wants to stick it out with you. You are worthy of a man who not only knows what hurts you, but also will make better choices in order to avoid hurting you again.
I know you love deeply. I know you want to see the best in everyone, including the one who isn’t treating you right. I’m not telling you that he will never change, but what I am saying is that you must be the one who changes. You must be willing to walk away from this thing no matter how painful it feels. You must be willing to not see it as a failure, but as a personal success that you are finally treating yourself with the love and respect that you deserve.
I think sometimes us women do a huge disservice to ourselves when we stay convinced that winning the love of another means we have value in this world. It’s not true. For starters, you will never have to prove your worth to the one who is truly meant for you, and if that man hasn’t shown up yet, please believe that God has someone perfect for you. Keep doing the inner work, keep loving yourself, keep valuing yourself, and keep honoring yourself—and don’t stop.
Don’t ever stop.
Even when the one who is meant for you shows up, don’t break eye contact with your heart. Don’t ever stop loving yourself first. Love yourself so much that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter who comes in and out of your life, you will be okay because you have never left you.
When real love is present, it comes in and nothing in the outside world can take it away. Nothing you do or say will make it stay or leave; it will be there because it is meant for you, it sees you, and it wants you too.
Beautiful woman, when the love is real it will have no choice but to choose you too.