August 28, 2020

A Hilarious Manifesto on the Dumb Sh*t we do to Find “Happiness.”


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A complicated life is a happy f*cking life. ~ Aristotle (just kidding)


To make simple things complicated, you need to complicate your mind.

You need to always think about what others think about you. You need to ruminate about your future—the more complex, the better.

We should fill our lives with stuff that we don’t need. We need to buy things that will pile up in our house in the future so that we will stress ourselves out to sort these when the time comes that we realize that they don’t matter to us entirely.

We should continuously browse online catalogs of the latest products and add them to our cart so that when we finally get them, we can be unsatisfied by them for a few months, and we will then start browsing to buy the latest thing. More expensive equals better.

We must always fill our day with constantly checking our social media. Our Instagram feed should always remind us that we are not enough.

Our Facebook newsfeed should always be flooded with nonsense that doesn’t inspire or contribute to our lives.

Our Twitter account should always fill us with toxic news and rants from “opinionated” influencers who don’t contribute to our well-being. Also, let’s bombard our eyes with ads that constantly remind us that we need to live a life meant for someone else.

We should collect things that are basically junk. We need to consume products that don’t give us nutrients so that when the time comes, and we get sick, we will be at peace knowing that we will die young, filled with regrets.

Don’t exercise or be active. We want our muscles to get soggy and soft; we need to develop osteoporosis. (You know, the thing where we have a hunch in our back when we’re old.) Also, let’s abuse substances like alcohol and drugs. Don’t worry; it doesn’t have consequences in the future. It’s only carcinogenic chemicals and the risk of getting cancer; it’s no big deal.

Let’s also fill our heads with worries by constantly obsessing over things that we can’t control. We need to have unhealthy sleep cycles so that we can have disrupted cognitive function and weak immune systems. Yeah, let’s try our best to be at risk of catching diseases. Let’s also stress ourselves with small and petty things, so that it can have an unhealthy effect on our relationships.

Finally, let’s complicate our lives with things that don’t really matter to us. Come on, let’s do it, it’s fun.

Here lies the truth:

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve probably realized that everything I said was sarcasm. 

The truth is, I’m a minimalist, and simplicity is my absolute philosophy in life. Every day we are bombarded with information, and most of it is junk. Every day we fill our lives with things we don’t really need, and they contribute to our misery more than they fill our lives with happiness. Every day we stress ourselves with petty things. 

This desire for excess and constant obsession with things, rather than what truly matters, robs us of our peace of mind and self-worth. The truth is, we are more than what we own.

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