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I recently wrote about how childhood trauma messes with our ability to manifest.
But it is only now that I am developing a deeper awareness that codependency is also a major culprit that can block our desires from coming to fruition.
I know we have all heard the term “codependent” tossed around, but I’d like to take this topic a bit deeper for a minute. We become codependent as children when our parents are unable to provide a stable and nurturing home environment.
Often we are taught that our needs don’t matter or our feelings are invalid. Most codependent adults have been raised in homes with a lot of dysfunction, such as manipulation, judgment, shame, unpredictability, unrealistic expectations, and overly harsh or critical caretakers, respectively.
Children can often be blamed for the problems in the home or made to feel invalidated by the adults in their lives. They are left with the root belief that they are unworthy, stupid, and incapable.
This can lead to relational dynamics that include caretaking, people-pleasing, trouble creating boundaries, the need to control, feeling flawed and unworthy, becoming overly responsible, or (my personal favorite) feeling alone.
So let’s look at codependency as it relates to manifestation:
Manifestation is essentially a relationship with the universe. We cocreate our reality with source to attain whatever it is we desire. So, what happens when we are codependent, and we have poor relationship dynamics? We struggle with manifestation.
Below are four main reasons why it is essential to healing our codependency if we want to manifest our dreams into fruition:
1. Our core belief is that we feel we are unworthy.
That in and of itself would be enough for our dreams not to manifest because we sincerely believe our wants and desires are worthless. If we cannot believe in our worthiness of having what we desire, we cannot manifest them; belief is essential to manifestation.
2. If we are caretakers and people-pleasers, we will essentially have no sense of self because we are treating everyone outside of ourselves as more important.
We will have no clue what we really even want for ourselves. Furthermore, if our boundaries are too rigid, it can leave us feeling closed off to the universe due to a lack of trust, which leads me to number three.
3. The need for control does not allow for opportunities to present themselves as we are too focused on how something should look.
We cannot see past the infinite possibilities that await us if we were to just “let go and let god” as the saying goes. Instead, we feel like we need to control every aspect of our lives; we fear our needs, wants, and wishes; desires go unmet as that is what we have come to know.
4. When we feel that there is something wrong with us at our core, or that we are innately unloveable, we often feel incredibly alone.
This sense of isolation is not our friend when we are trying to cocreate with the spiritual realm. If our fundamental belief is that we are alone in this world—no one understands us—there is not a snowball’s chance in hell we will be able to trust an invisible force to help us remember that we are vast beings in a world where thoughts backed with feelings lead to visible outcomes (i.e., our “reality”).
I know I talk a lot about the importance of healing the inner child, but it goes much further than the psychological effects it can have on us. When we begin to re-parent ourselves and heal our codependency, we can have a much better chance of opening up to unlimited potential and magic. We begin to really feel our innate worth because we are validating ourselves and believing in ourselves.
We let the divine inner child out to breathe and play and dance around in a state of joy and bliss. We then find that we start developing a better sense of self, and we become acutely aware of what we really want for our lives. We start to realize that surrender feels much better than needing to control every nook and cranny of our existence and that we can live in a state of flow rather than resistance. We realize that because we actually feel loveable (possibly for the first time ever) it is okay to trust in our creator.
We let our innocence be guided by a force that does not have the human weight of judgment and shame, but rather unconditional love. It’s like we get to be children on Christmas Eve just knowing that when we open our eyes in the morning, we will be blessed with everything we asked for—and potentially more.
Healing codependency gives us the recipe for manifestation.
It allows us to believe in our desires. We are worthy of what we want—feeling as though it is already ours—and we have gratitude for all that is on the way.
Trust that the universe has heard us and that what we desire is promised to us.
You are worthy, my friend.