It has been 595 days since we were together last. Some days it feels like yesterday, other days it feels like an eternity.
I wanted to let you know that I am doing really well, you don’t need to worry about me.
I know when we first broke up I cried a lot and I was so sad and uncomfortable. That first year without you felt like a roller-coaster.
Similar to death, I found myself fighting through all seven stages of grief over you: disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression—and soon after, acceptance and hope. It was hard. I never, ever want to have to go through that again.
I had to learn what it was like to go to my first party without you, my first sporting event, my first girls’ night out. That first holiday, I missed you a lot. Funny though, every time I did something without you, I got a tiny bit more comfortable just being me. I’ve been getting to know myself since I don’t have you around to distract me.
My first sober vacation was a little awkward, but I had fun with the kids. And you know what? I ended up having a pretty good time overall; it surprised me! I still remember so many moments that I would have forgotten if you and I were still together. The kids are getting older and I do not want to miss a thing. Being able to remember things so clearly is pretty cool, I’m sure you can understand that.
You will be happy to hear that I’m sleeping so much better! I know you tried so hard to help me, but I truly do get better sleep without you. It makes such a difference in my day-to-day life. Remember how I used to wake up at 3 a.m. all panicky after you were over? I sleep through the night now and it feels good to wake up in the morning without a hangover or any guilt.
Carrying around those extra pounds, you knew I was never happy about that extra weight. Well, I’m finally eating better and without you, it is so much easier. Oh my god, I used to eat the worst things for my body when we were together! Yes, I still love chips and queso.
You never told me that my anxiety ate you up! I had no idea. When I stopped seeing you, my anxiety diminished by about 80 percent. I feel calm now and it’s so weird! It is a feeling I’ve had to get used to for sure. The last few years we were together, I was such a mess.
You would be proud! I have come out of my shell a little more as I have gotten more comfortable not having you hold my hand. It was hard at first because it was so new—25 years is a long time together!
I have learned to be patient with myself as I continue to live my day-to-day life without you. Every day that I do, I feel a little stronger—a little more confident. I can’t believe I’m really doing it! I feel proud of myself on most days.
From what I can tell, you are doing just fine without me, too. It’s so much better this way. Letting you go was a painful process, but oh so worth it.
I am so glad we broke up. I’m so happy to be happy.