September 13, 2020

Let Your Shame Flag Fly: Why we Need to Feel into “Lower Vibrational” Emotions.


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Bitterness. Resentment. Anger. Jealousy.

Just a handful of emotions our society have deemed justified in making wrong.

“But they’re lower vibrational!” I hear you scream.

They’re not good. They’re not helpful. They’re not nice.

They incite reaction and they feel horrible within our bodies. They make us do crazy things and embarrass us and cut us off from love and connection.

Or do they?

Is it the emotion that cuts us off, or is it our judgement of the emotion? 

I’ve personally had a roller coaster this year with learning to love myself through jealousy, comparison, and insecurities within my intimate relationship. And let me tell you, for someone who always writes her passages as they come through, and posts them without too much regard, I had to really fight my urge to justify myself here.

Because it’s not about why I believe I’m justified in feeling those feelings. It’s not about my past. It’s not about how I perceived my experiences.

I’m learning more and more this time around. The healing comes from leaving the story out of it completely, and simply acknowledging that those feelings exist within me, and then choosing to love myself anyway.

It’s about turning to them. Naming them. Dipping our toes in, feeling them, and sharing them with safe confidantes who won’t jump into the story with us, but rather allow us the space to share.

I’ve worked hard to surround myself with these types of humans.

Because as Brené Brown says, “if we share our story with someone with empathy and understanding, shame cannot survive.”

It’s not our job to judge emotions. In the “conscious community,” it is also not our job to determine what is better or worse, or what is going to get us to the “highest vibration” so we can receive all we desire in this lifetime.

And if you talk this way, I’d encourage you to ask yourself why those “lower emotions” cause fear or judgement within you.

Yes, this journey is 100 percent about learning to choose what feels good. It’s about learning to outgrow that which we have held onto that keeps us feeling small.

So we can agree, it’s about learning to allow the fullness of ourselves to shine.

But that’s just it. These “lower” emotions are part of our fullness.

They are normal human emotions.

And they hang out deeper and stronger where we try to pretend they are anything but. It is our judgements of them that greases them up with a big juicy layer of shame that we may then find challenging to clean up.

I created a world where I can share these feelings safely—so I know this is possible.

But it started with me affording the opportunity to myself first. To literally turn inward and talk myself through them.

To remind myself I’m okay. That I am lovable regardless. That I will get through this wave. And the next.

Just taking it one wave at a time.

And what’s the outcome of acknowledging these shameful “lower vibrational” feelings?

Well, they definitely don’t hold the weight they used to. And I’ve deepened and strengthened the connections both in and around me. And I’ve provided others the opportunity to share some of their more challenging emotions and feelings of shame too. 

The sharing of shame will weed out those who aren’t ready to hear it. It may cause some to judge you. To talk about you to others. To laugh at you or mock you. To even state fearful expressions like “you will never get what you want while those feelings exist within you.”

Know that your sharing of shame will definitely call on others to dig deep—but not actually from what you have shared.

Rather, from any shame that resides within themselves.

Share anyway.


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