Long ago in ancient Egypt I was an Egyptian queen, a Pharaoh. Despite having both political power and the gift of sorcery, I had the same aching discontent many celebrities hold today. My people did not see me for who I was. Like the modern stages upon which we place celebrities today, I had been put on a pedestal. I was untouchable.
Singers, artists, jesters, and story telling bards used to have a more personal relationship with their audience. Unlike royalty, they would be invited to sit around the fire with the people and express themselves. Beatle mania was the first time the world saw artists placed on a pedestal separated out from their starry eyed audience. They became a perfect silhouette, a symbol of perfection.
Celebrities today are struggling on their pedestal. In her documentary, Taylor Swift speaks of her desire to be loved by her audience and her intense shame at being ostracized when she didn’t meet the expectations of the pedestal that no human could actually meet. Swift wanted to be loved but instead of being loved for being herself she tried to meet the expectations of perfection from her audience. In Amanda Palmer’s book “The Art of Asking” the she describes being sent mounds of hate mail from people angry at her for “getting money for nothing” through Patreon without any understanding of the exchange of services she offered on Patreon. Celebrities must hire an entire team just to maintain their image enough to prevent their fans from turning on them. Fans’ inability to clearly see the imperfect human beyond the pedestal the artists are placed upon is causing them pain.
Underlying the desire to be famous is the desire to love and be loved; the desire of the artist to serve the world by sharing the gift of the expression of themselves and for that gift to be received with great gratitude. The current form that fame takes today will never allow this exchange of love to occur because artists are expected to be something other than their imperfect human self. This cheats the world of the true gifts the artist has to offer and it cheats the artist of the love they crave. When I was a pharaoh I was driven to acquire energetic power; a presence so strong that my people could not help but see the real me. I wanted to touch and ignite the souls of my people just by means of them being in the presence of the power of my soul light.
This drive transformed into a plan. I prepared a ceremony to invoke and awaken the power of all the elements within myself during a solar eclipse and planetary conjunction. The power would magnetize me, drawing people to the presence of my true self to bask in my light and be forever transformed.
The time had arrived. As I drew the energy of the planets and the elements into my solar plexus, the power center of my body, the invocation went horribly wrong. It was too much power; the energy flooded into my body vibrating and shaking like an earth quake. I was not ready, the world was not ready to hold this power. Without the necessary space and no where to go the power imploded within me. It sprinkled all the powers I did have, all the parts of myself, my knowledge, my consciousness, all that made me who I was across time and space.
I have felt shock waves of this implosion within me to this day. When menstruating; I have always told my friends “I don’t explode from PMS, I implode.” My solar plexus housed deep baseless shame amplified by my period hormones. Furthermore, my whole sense of the world has been inside out, like the negative of a photograph. It’s not that I’ve seen the world inaccurately it’s just from an odd point of view. For example, one time I had a healing session that reversed the implosion for 24 hours. Instead of being at a 30 degree angle to the room, it felt like the room was at a 30 degree angle to me and my mild dyslexia was gone. To Reverse my implosion is to reorient myself to the world.
The implosion affected me in other ways as well. I’ve always had a certain amount of magnetism being granted this life as a beautiful, talent, intelligent women and yet there has also been a distance between myself and others. Making friends has always been challenging despite being a social butterfly. I was rarely ever asked out on dates, despite being obviously lusted after. The energy between myself and other people is like that of two magnets back to back or like trying to reach the end of a rainbow, people remain at a specific distance from me no further, no closer.
However, the time to shine has come. The planets are aligning, the solar eclipse is occurring and once again, I desire to light up the world with my brilliant powerful soul. My implosive energy from the past life invocation was preventing the closer connection I need to offer the most precious gift of myself to the world. Feeling the block I called upon my shaman. With her help the process of reversing the implosion and reorienting myself has begun.
This time the world is not just ready but asking for this new kind of fame. The world is asking that our royalty, our celebrities grant the gifts of their glorious imperfect selves to their audience. By means of documentaries our celebrities have begun to speak out, to share their true selves with their audience and their audience has listened. Brene Brown has started a national conversation on dissolving shame through authenticity. Authenticity has begun to be celebrated, not hidden behind a mask. This time the world is asking that I share my light and I am ready.
As I reverse my implosive energy, reorient myself, and sift through my lifetimes, collecting the parts of myself spread over time and space, I feel so grateful to be able to share the gift of myself with the world.