December 11, 2020

The Unf*ckening: Rebuilding after we’re Utterly Broken.


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*Warning: Well-deserved naughty language below!


When we are in a world of pain—or feeling betrayed and vulnerable—it is easy to think that the feeling will be evermore.

We see no clear exit plan, no fire door, there is little light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and no clear safety rope to cling onto. We are free-falling, loaded with anger and shame, swimming in the seas of injustices, and paddling like hell to stay afloat.

It is in these moments that we need to know this: the unfuckening is coming, just hold on a little longer.

As the line goes: it’s always darkest before the dawn. And it is; it really is.

The unfuckening does not prescribe to a timetable, I cannot give you a 10-step process that results in its delivery. I am unable to even explain what format it will come in or what shape it will take. But it’s coming—its arrival is a certainty.

The unfuckening is not a person or a feeling; it’s not an epiphany or a mindset. It’s an unconscious realization that something has shifted. Something from deep within has manifested from broken to rebuilt. It is a transient resettling of our innermost self—it is peace.

It’s the moment when the hurt evaporates, the sting is soothed, the anger diminishes, and the body resets. It’s the realization of our worth and the belief that despite the battle fought—won or lost—the victory is in the valiance of completion.

It’s the undeniable understanding that the universe has aligned, and we are okay. It’s the moment we discover that karmic forces will deliver the injustices in time, and the biggest injustice is holding onto the notion it could have been any other way.

The unfuckening is when we take our power back—with absolutely no point to prove. It’s deciding that anger no longer serves, and that our truth is all that ever mattered.

We reach the unfuckening at different stages, but reach it, we do.

The greatest service we can bestow upon ourselves in our broken states is to let go: let go of pain, let go of anger, and move on.

Let’s not confuse this with forgiveness, we don’t have to forgive to let go. We don’t have to forgive to heal. We don’t have to gift that to anyone. But, we do have to be still; we do have to be free; and we do have to be completely ready with open arms to welcome this event.

When we are wholeheartedly ready for the unfuckening, we’ll find it’s already upon us; it doesn’t need to be summoned—it just is.

One day, we wake up and things are different. The shift has been silent in its approach, the process almost anonymous, but subconsciously, we come to know it—the grand reveal is when we can acknowledge it.

The unfuckening is not a lack of feelings; it’s not a journey into indifference. It doesn’t mean we are numb, in denial, or in a cycle of avoidance—it’s the opposite.

It’s a renewed culpability for us, it’s a determination to love more, it’s a wake-up call that we are worthy, deserving, and all that we had doubted. It’s a burst of excitement for what we are going to be; it’s the renewal of our marriage vows to ourselves.

It’s our subconscious fighting back, delivering our own redemption, and telling us that the justice we believed so earnestly needed serving, is not in fact serving us at all.

Our pursuit of revenge or our insistence that we are broken is fundamentally wrong, and the only person that can deliver us the peace we so deeply need and seek is ourselves.

The unfuckening comes when we are almost ready to give up; it comes at us like a tsunami from within, and it washes away the dead wood, the rotting fears, and trauma. It may leave us slightly eroded and sandblasted, but it leaves us on the shoreline, alive and cleansed.

It could be as simple as going for a run again after a long spell of inactivity; it could be as complicated as the healing of our broken heart. The feeling of being free will come freely, it will arrive suddenly, and it will remain within us; maybe as a lesson, maybe as a blessing.

Once we have been untangled, and the storm clears, its appearance will embrace us, and we will know it’s been—what we will also discover is that it has been within us all along.




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