This post is Grassroots, meaning a reader posted it directly. If you see an issue with it, contact an editor.
If you’d like to post a Grassroots post, click here!

January 15, 2021

Post-Divorce: Are You Consciously Connecting?

You’ve heard the stats… 50% of marriages end in divorce. Actually, in 2020, we hit an all-time low, with *only* 39%. But was that the result of a global pandemic?

However you got here, let’s face it, even the most collaborative divorce is traumatic. And truth be told, most divorces are NOT collabortive.

And then, what got you there was traumatic.

The most commonly reported major contributors to divorce were:

  • Lack of commitment,
  • Infidelity,
  • Conflict or arguing.

And, the most common “final straw” reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use.

Each of these is traumatic.

Beside the fact that you went INTO marriage believing those words, “til death do us part.” That is a belief, a commitment, and a way of life that seemed so … perfect!

Until it wasn’t.

So where does that leave you now?

?? schocked

?? sad

?? lonely

?? afraid

And, what’s worse is, divorce is so “common” that the pain is often overlooked by friends and family, it is difficult to find support — through the divorce, and then afterwards — where you can truly heal to move forward in your life, and, often times you internalize this as “just get over it,” and “just move on.”

But this attitude hardens you.

And many of as a result become the Extreme Independent Woman, who doesn’t need a man.

It’s true — you don’t.

And then, you do.

It is normal and natural to want a healthy relationship.

But, as a single mom, and post-divorce (or breakup or choosing mama-hood as a single) we sort of have to do it all, don’t we?

That means, we are the dad and the mom!

And I don’t mean gender — I mean, we have to learn to embody both of the masculine and feminine energies, because the balance is necessary! Our kids need it.

We are the nurturer, the enforcer, the coach, and the hostess. We are the one who makes things happen, and the one who makes it feel nice. We are the family.

And it’s hard to do it alone.

So… it is normal and natural to want a healthy relationship.

But, as a single mom, what does that look like?
It depends… depends on YOU, your child(ren), the age of your child(ren) and temperament. It also depends on the relationship you have with your ex, if there is one in the picture, and your child(ren)’s relationship with that person.

And I find that many single moms struggle here. HOW to have a relationship or a partner, while negotiating all the things? How to set the proper boundaries around raising your child(ren) when that romantic interest is close and involved, because they are still YOUR children?

How will you take the next step?

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Kristen Boyle  |  Contribution: 335