Intimacy can look like banging you, but it can also look like eating crepes inside your car.
When we get to know someone and that someone gets to know us, there is something that starts to develop as we see each other more and more. Not exactly love, but a “this kind of feels like home” type of feeling. That familiar and comfortable pleasure of being yourself and enjoying the smallest of moments as priceless treasures.
This development is intimacy.
For some, intimacy can feel like finally not being embarrassed to be fully naked with this person; for others, it may be when you start to feel so good and cozy holding this person’s hand. I believe there is much more to intimacy, and I believe it precedes and lays the red carpet for love to come.
What does it mean to be intimate? Of course, I think of us being naked, sweaty, so pleased, and depleted of energy! Creating a connection with our naked souls, open minds, and thirsty bodies. But then there are other types of intimacy: the feeling of being connected with our loved one, without saying a single word.
You are both outside, walking. It’s sunny, and the air is slightly chilly. You walk into a bakery, of course, it smells so good, and you are both looking at different pastries, then you look at him, he looks and you and smiles, and you can feel the warmth of his thoughts even though you may have no idea what he is thinking about. This can be intimacy. Feeling each other’s energy and sending each other loving vibes.
When he shares difficulties or things that can stress his mind, you listen, you are silent, and without saying anything, you look at him, you let him know: I am here for you. Without any words spoken, he looks at you and tells you: I know you are here for me. Intimacy can be sitting down comfortably enjoying our silence, eyes can always say so much.
You know that feeling when you don’t care how you look, you are wearing your most used sweater, you are inside your house, maybe sipping some hot chai tea. You might not be doing anything extraordinary, maybe you are making scrambled eggs or just reading a magazine, but you feel so good. You are calm, you feel at home, at ease with who you are, life just feels right. This is, to me, a part of intimacy, “feeling at home” in the most random of scenarios.
The other day, me and this handsome man who I am seeing (let’s call him, him), we had the most intimate moment. This is as close as “home” as I have been with him. We were driving around, spending time together, singing to master Sinatra in the car, sometimes holding our hands, sometimes not. I kind of complained or expressed my disappointment of not having any dessert with us.
He looked at me and smiled, “Yesterday, my dad made some French crepes,” he said. “I thought of bringing them for us, but wasn’t really sure about it. Would you want some?”
Of course, I said yes. Who can resist crepes from a handsome gentleman? Or from anyone?
He drove back to his house, and after a few moments, he came back with a white ceramic plate with two amazing gold-sand-color-looking crepes. He filled mine with mixed berry jam and whipped cream.
As we sat in the car, playing French music, I felt in heaven. We sat there, eating our crepes, talking about future adventures, laughing, and in some moments of silence, just stuffing our mouths. I felt so at ease; it felt so right. Like my heart was saying: life is moments like this, eating something delicious next to a best friend, being your true self. He made me feel like this could be home—evening after evening, hand on hand with routine, laundry, dishes, and all sorts of house chores, all topped with crepes, kisses, friendship, and laughter. Can’t think of a more perfect foundation for a future home.
Google dictionary says intimacy is a “close familiarity or friendship; closeness.” It is interesting to think of it as closeness because we can be sharing the same space and still feel six feet apart.
I know we are not familiar with each other yet since I am still getting to know him, but to me, he is starting to feel like routine. I love routine because is solid, it is expected, it is there every day and every night. It is better than occasional fireworks that don’t really last.
We can share intimacy and not necessarily feel “in love,” but if we have love without intimacy, how do we know what connects us above all else in life?
Whatever it is that makes you feel intimate, enjoy it, cherish it and do things your own way. The beauty of intimacy is that there is no specific illustration of it, there could never be because it means something totally different to each of us human beings.
What does intimacy look like to you? And yes, I totally recommend sharing sweet crepes and kisses with your loved one. So fun to share!
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