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May 16, 2021


Photo by Nina Uhlíková on Pexels.

After. After he moves out and the only thing he leaves behind is the lingering smell of his cologne on his side of the bed. After you have worn out the numbers on your phone calling everyone one of your friends to tell them how sad and broken you are. After you make new friends just so you can again tell your side of the story to hear someone tell you you are right and it’s his loss. After one too many times soaking in your bathtub, drunk off bubbles and cheap wine, crying to the mix of love songs on your ipod. After avoiding anything and everything that reminds you of him. After the too many calls to the psychic hotline to see if he still loves you. After sleepless nights, drivebys, and blowing out the candles on someone else’s birthday cake so you can wish he was back in your life, it happens. You wake up one day and just as magical as the wooden boy became real, you are whole again. Not only are you whole, but you are better. You are laughing again. Your face feels weird because the tears are no longer rolling down your cheeks. Your friend looks at you and says “I’m glad you are funny again”.  You are you again, but new and improved. Stronger, healthier.

Waking up in the morning, he is no longer on your mind. Driving to work, suddenly you are singing the songs that once brought you to your knees and you are OK. He no longer comes up in conversation. The days pass, the nights pass, even his birthday passes and he is anywhere but on your mind. Suddenly you are thankful he is nowhere to be found. The man who once controlled your every thought, fear, and emotion from wherever he was, no longer has control over anything you do, say, feel, or cook. Freedom has found you and you have found freedom, and it’s a perfect match.

Freedom showed up with gifts that if you take care of and protect, will last you a lifetime. And unlike him, they will never desert you, if you respect them. Self worth, self esteem, and self value are just a few of the gifts freedom has for you. Lessons in life including, listening to your gut, shoes are made for walking, and once a cheater always a cheater, are just a few things freedom will be teaching you. While you are learning what freedom has in store for you, you sleep in the middle of your bed. Watch shows on your laptop until 2 am,and eat donuts and cereal on a Saturday night for dinner just because you can. Go out with your friends, change your name on social networks after a night of laughter with your new found freedom and your new found friends. Most importantly, take this time to realize how beautiful you are, how smart, and funny, and loyal you are, all things the right man will appreciate in you, but first appreciate all of those things in you. The fact of the matter is, he doesn’t deserve you, he never did, and although you have learned a lot from this relationship, it was a mistake to give him your heart. It’s time to take it back and keep it close until you are ready to try again.

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