“Lead a life of your own design, on your own terms. Not one that others or the environment have scripted for you.” ~ Tony Robbins
When we are not embodying our powerful position as the creator of our lives, we can feel out of control, overwhelmed, resentful, frustrated, and guilty.
This swirl of emotions arises as we hear ourselves saying “yes” when we mean “no,” when we bend over backward to please others but can’t even prioritise 10 minutes for ourselves, when we refrain from speaking our truth, when we avoid being seen in our authenticity, or when we feel bad about choosing ourselves for a change.
We can get pissed off, knowing that we’re living by rules that make no sense, “shoulds” we don’t even own, and expectations that are entirely made-up.
And this can make us feel stuck. It can make us feel powerless.
And this is not a state of being I believe we’re here to stick around in. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of what we’re actually capable of and what I intend to awaken in all of us.
So what can we do to take back our power as the creator of our lives?
Here are five keys to taking our power back:
It’s one thing to deal with everybody else’s bullsh*t, but to put up with it in your own head 24/7 is something you can actually stop. Begin by bringing awareness to what you’re tolerating in your own mind.
How are you speaking to yourself? What are you focusing on? Are you choosing criticism or kindness for yourself? Begin within. Start creating a narrative in your mind that is supportive, compassionate, even self-loving.
As you do that, you’ll be generating more positive feelings, more self-empowered actions and behaviours, which will in turn reinforce that supportive self-talk and keep this new empowering cycle rolling. Win, win, win.
2. Say “No”
A fantastic way to feel disempowered is to perpetually people please. Trust me, I have years of experience. I know it’s hard to say no. I know it’s scary and uncomfortable to set boundaries. But it’s also absolutely essential if you want to live a life that’s yours. That doesn’t mean shutting the door on the world, but it means opening it up to self-respect.
You don’t have to be more available to everyone else than you are to yourself. You don’t have to justify taking five, deciding to do something just for you, or not taking on everyone else’s problems/work/draining energy. You get to create more energy, self-esteem, and space for yourself by choosing to say no.
3. Own Your Time
Many of us feel like we’ve got no time. I’ve spent the last while saying it like a miserable mantra before catching myself and realising that I am literally the only one in control of my time. Feeling like I have no time often means I’m not utilising step two enough or I am not recharging myself enough.
Yes, we all have responsibilities and time-bound stuff to do, but our life is still our own. We can decide to get up 10 minutes earlier and meditate, we can choose to turn our phones off at 9 p.m. and enjoy offline time, we can create a nurturing routine to begin the day that creates a sacred self-caring hour that nobody can take away. It’s about choice and priority, both of which are always within our grasps.
4. Hear Yourself
When we feel like we’re always obligated to do things and our vocabulary is laden in have tos with minimal get tos, we need to check in. Are you tuned in to your needs? Are you hearing the call to go inward? To try something new? To rekindle an old passion? To get creative? To connect to someone? To follow your dreams?
Listening to yourself is key to creating your life your way. Hear your needs, hear your voice, hear your intuitive inclinations. These are yours for a reason. You have a unique makeup, potential, purpose, vision, and path; you won’t get to enjoy it fully if you’re trying to walk on someone else’s all the time.
5. Let Go
Would you really be choosing comparison, judgment, and criticism as the creator of your life? Would you give a toss what anyone else thinks if you were actually focused on creating a life you love? Would you be choosing to ruminate on regret and shame for a past version of you, or would you be enjoying becoming your true self?
If you want to create your own life, you’ve got to make it yours. You’ve got to decide whose opinions on it matter and whose are just trying to bring you down. You’ve got to let go of the idea that everyone should like or approve of who you are and how you choose to live.
Not everyone’s going to like your creation, but if your authentic self loves it, does that really matter?
“Inquire within, rather than without, asking:
‘What part of my Self do I wish to experience now?
What aspects of being do I choose to call forth?’
For all of life exists as a tool of your own creation,
and all of its events merely present themselves as opportunities for you to decide, and be, Who You Are.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch