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Everywhere we go in life, we are involved in relationships: work, family, friends, relatives, classmates, service people, and strangers on the street.
Have you ever wondered if you are making the most of those relationships?
Are you getting what you need and want in your relationships? Do you know how to ask for what you want effectively?
Here are five beliefs and behaviors that might keep you from receiving exactly what you want:
How we behave, speak, and interact with others says a lot about our self-worth.
A woman who knows she deserves fair and kind treatment will make sure she gets it. A woman who has high self-worth is able to receive offers of help, favors, and gifts graciously without worrying about the other person’s motives.
She receives with faith, believing it is a gesture of genuine care for her. This is where we get stuck. Often we don’t believe people truly care for us because we don’t care much for ourselves.
We may have low self-worth, which inhibits joyful receiving.
2. Trust of Others
Trusting others is a big leap for many of us. Paradoxically, what bothers us in others we usually have within ourselves.
Let me explain. If you refuse help from others because you don’t trust their motives—because you think they are just doing it out of pity or obligation or will be resentful or expect a return favor—then this is probably what you do.
Notice your attitude when you give to others. Do you feel it’s expected or that you have no choice? Are you watching for that return favor, keeping score?
This is a stingy kind of giving, not based on the genuine feeling of making someone happy. It’s tit for tat, an emotionless exchange.
How is your relationship with yourself? Can you trust yourself to give yourself what you want? What’s your track record with this?
I recently realized mine is not so good. I was waiting for other people to give me what I wanted. I was waiting for certain situations to happen and opportunities to arise.
Because I had done all the journaling and visualizing to manifest the reality I wanted, I expected it to materialize. I was faithfully doing the work, putting myself out there, making connections, speaking up, and being brave.
All of which was challenging for me, and when things didn’t fall into place, fulfilling my vision perfectly, I felt let down. But really, I was living in a fantasy world.
4. Honoring ourselves
Getting excited about what I wanted felt good until I started to see in how many ways I blocked myself.
I realized I owed it to myself to deal with these blocks, look at them under a bright light and see the ugly truth about how rigid I am. How judgmental, how righteous I am about my ideas.
How could I trust myself to give myself what I wanted if I ignored these blocks? We are the only ones who can honor ourselves, keep our word to ourselves, and follow through on what we say we will do for ourselves.
When we want to receive something that feels really important to the quality of our lives, we have an obligation to follow through on it. Tearing down the blocks along the way.
We get to witness ourselves being our own best friend, tackling the hard stuff to honor our commitment to ourselves. The gift we receive through this process is empowering and creates long-lasting self-trust.
A good start to evaluating your relationships is practicing daily self-awareness.
Take time to notice how you behave and speak throughout the day. How many times are you denying help wanting to appear capable and independent? Are you refusing favors so as not to trouble the other person?
You may identify with the role of helper or caretaker, and it’s become a habit that doesn’t serve you anymore. You can practice accepting the offers that come your way and start to realize that others truly want to help you. You actually deny them that pleasure when you refuse.
There are people who are truly generous, and for them giving doesn’t feel like an obligation or responsibility, as it might feel for you.
Try humbly receiving everything that is offered to you for one day. Notice how that feels.
What may happen is you feel anxious, selfish, or guilty that you have not returned the favor. This is your low self-worth chiming in, which was created by societal and cultural conditioning.
You truly are worthy of everything coming your way, but as a female, you were conditioned to feel otherwise.
As you practice receiving with gratitude and giving with pleasure, you will feel more connected in your relationships. You will be interacting in a genuine human exchange of energy where everyone benefits. This inspires closeness, empathy, and trust in your relationships.
Doesn’t that feel much better?