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June 12, 2021

“You Don’t Understand Trauma like I Do.”

You don’t, and you won’t, understand trauma like I do.

Because I have been through it.

I hear it.

I feel it.

I breathe 

and 

live it.

Because I have been through it.

Sometimes, when someone says, “I understand. I know what you’re going through,” or when they show their true empathetic selves, it just doesn’t feel like enough. It’s genuine, but not enough.

Some events, memories, thoughts, and emotions dig such a deep hole into your soul that no amount of understanding and empathy can change them.

They become a part of our existence. We live and breathe those painful events, memories, and hurts every minute of our lives. And sometimes, we don’t even realise it.

Not all wounds that hurt are visible.

Sometimes, the pain is so much that it becomes unbearable. Your insides scream, yet there is an unending silence.

You think about the physical and emotional hurt as if it’s another body part; it’s doing what it’s supposed to do—keeping you scared and protecting you at the same time.

Sometimes, even when you think you’ve healed, there’s more waiting to come up.

To be acknowledged.

Seen.

Heard.

Felt.

And that, itself, creates a trauma of its own kind.

Yes, trauma changes you. Every hurt or abuse continues to penetrate into your soul.

And then it also becomes a part of you.

You can’t live with it; it’s too painful.

You can’t live without it; pain is all you know.

Trauma creates a world of its own; it’s only you and the pain.

And no matter how much someone says, they understand…

Sometimes, it’s just not enough.

How can someone else understand how this pain moves through your body?

The way your heart begins to race when you experience being in a painful environment?

Or when loud voices and noises begin to create nightmares in your sleep?

When even the touch of a feather feels painful?

When despite knowingeverythingthat it’s over and done with, you continue to relive it in your mind day in and out? 

And it’s not by choice.

When you are engulfed by this feeling of helplessness and panic that it might happen all over again?

Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.

But that’s all you know.

Because you are going through it.

A note to anyone who needs to hear it: we don’t ‘get over’ or ‘move on’ from our trauma. We are forced to make space for it. We carry it. We learn to live with it. And, sometimes, we thrive in spite of it.” ~ Unknown

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