Dear you who’s been ghosted,
I’m worried that this might come off the wrong way. I’m worried that you will refuse the warnings and ping pong what I want you to internalize back to me.
I am not your opponent. This doesn’t have to feel like a game. There are no rules here.
I speak on behalf of all ghosters; we come from different mental spaces and intentions, but they’re rarely about you.
In fact, the external result—the evidence that we haven’t answered you in a while—is the only concrete attribute we all have in common.
Have you ever ignored a problem, hoping it will go away?
June 2, 2020
June 9, 2020
July 5, 2020
July 22, 2020
How are you?
August 3, 2020
See, the presumptuous part of me wants to call you out on victimizing yourself. You are not a victim nor I the predator. We are all victims of our own psyche.
You want attention, but you come off desperate and forceful. Why don’t you get the picture? It doesn’t matter. We are all like this.
There is how we present ourselves to the world, and there are our instigating feelings.
If I ignore you, you see a b*tch, but behind that, I’m just frustrated.
You don’t stop writing; I see an obnoxious, socially unaware nudge, but behind that, you are hopeful, lonely, and maybe even starving for connection.
Both you and I rarely come off the right way.
What’s really inside us if you crack us open?
I imagine our bodies to be containers of energy.
Interactions are exchanges of energy. You invest in the person who sparks your light, whom you feel you click with, who is your vibe, or whom you find engaging for whatever reason.
If you’re less lucky, you haven’t reconciled with yourself that people should be honored to take a moment of your time. In fact, it shouldn’t be “taking.” If they are spending time with you, you should both be emotionally invested instead of draining each other.
If you thrive off of my energy, but I don’t feel resonance with you, responding to you becomes draining to me. You do not owe anyone your time and no one owes you theirs.
It becomes a matter of prioritization. You cannot give me what I need—not because you’re not fulfilling on your own, but because you’re not on my wavelength.
And that’s okay.
There are mutual symbiotic relationships, and there are parasitic relationships; the key word here is relationships. You are not parasitic on your own, and neither am I. Just as well, you can’t be mutually symbiotic without someone on the other end.
It’s a matter of dynamic.
Some people just don’t fit each other fully, and that’s natural. It’s neither good nor bad, but once you acknowledge and accept it, you have the choice to wallow in the unfairness of life or let it go, and then find that ball of energy that wants to bounce off you.
You are just as worthwhile as the person you’re chasing.
There is someone out there whom you find draining because they are not on the same wavelength as you despite their desire to catch you.
I imagine shameless as you come off, each “hello” met in silence takes a hit on your self-esteem. The self-defense mechanisms in place to protect your ego are just not being kind to either of us. No one is entitled to anyone.
My advice to you: let it go and don’t be dramatic about it.
“Have a good life” or “blocked” aren’t your only two options.
Maybe I’m dealing with my own demons and speaking to you would be facing the facts about myself that I am not ready to face. I’m struggling against my own character flaws, unwilling to admit I’m anything short of inhumanly perfect. And you’re a reminder of that.
Or more likely, I’m so caught up in my own life that I don’t worry about talking to a near stranger.
Maybe I’m tired of investing in shallow relationships—each conversation with an acquaintance eats up the time I could be spending with my loved ones, doing my work, or propelling myself forward into the future or inward toward my peace.
Maybe I don’t want you to appreciate me as an external experience. Maybe in my life right now, I need someone who understands me from the inside, not someone who just thinks he understands me or is merely intrigued by me.
And maybe you need that too. I think everyone does.
Sometimes, our radar is off, and we think we’re connecting, and it’s draining to the person you’re trying to get closer to. If they are trying to be nice and don’t know how to effectively set boundaries without hurting your feelings, they might answer and feel a little worse emotionally, or eventually, they might ghost you.
It’s not personal. You can’t control resonance, and neither can I.
I won’t lie and continue to feed the potential.