“ He loves me , She loves me not”

Unrequited love is a central theme in poetry, literature and science.

This is a central theme in my own life as well.

I seem to fall for loving in difficult situations which are practically doomed from the start.

Humans have studied and pondered love and most of us have fallen into “unrequited love” during our lifetime.

What has yet to be explored or discussed is how devastating and sad it is for the rejector.

Society seems to favour the lover, the pining and the unrequited, essentially the romanticism of it all.

Unrequited love is the love that isn’t reciprocated or can not be reciprocated.

This happens often in platonic relationships.

Think of the situations when a neighbour or coworker develops romantic feelings for you.

This could also happen with your married opposite sex friend.

Often the lover the one pursuing is already in a relationship or there are other elements which make a union impossible and complicated.

When this happens often the rejector experiences similar feelings as the lover and they are almost always negative emotions.

Why this type of unequal love forms is a mystery.

Perhaps it is human nature and the grass seems so much greener on the other side.

It is sad reoccurring theme in my life and many others unfortunately.

I’m crying as I write. The tears softly flow.

I’m an ordinary woman with a brutal love record.

It just happens and it breaks my heart as I desire a life partner and coupling now in this season of my life more than anything.

I have tried to prevent and change my luck and now I have just decided to live my life while challenging negative thought distortions along the way.

I do believe in second chances and love.

The first time I experienced this unrequited love I was a teen.

My mother called and said come home there is a boy with a new car and he is refusing to go home.

“ Send him home”I said.

“ We tried and he has been here forever, waiting.” said my mom

On this occasion it was my sisters friend’s brother and it was the start of a theme.

After it transformed to friend’s boyfriends, bosses, neighbours, the tow truck man, milk man you get the picture. Unavailable men everywhere.

It is like I have a neon sign saying “single woman needs unavailable man”.

There is another that flashes too “Don’t go there Renee, walk away Renee” along with a trendy theme song that plays in my head and heart.

I know I’m not alone with this plight.

I have unfortunately developed some unhealthy coping strategies that I’m still working on.

The first is the set-up.

I often feel so badly rejecting that I have fallen into “matchmaker” behaviour.

This never ends well . It goes like this “ I have a girl for you”. I have worked on this one.

So far I am doing well.

To make men feel better I set them up.

Ridiculous I know!

I have successfully reached matchmaker recovery.

The second unhealthy coping strategy is the tall fence.

You know the wrought iron grilled boundary that says “ off-limits”

Again I am slowly working on this one.

Perhaps you are like me and over time you developed some coping strategies and put up some barriers.

It is never to late for change.

I know I’m the only person in this situation that can make a change.

I take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

I’m working on challenging my inner dialogue.

I have a strong sense of self and confidence.

I feel empowered in other domains.

I’m strong, resilient and fearless.

These characteristics allow me to write this article.

I do believe in love. After everything this is a miracle!

I believe there is someone out there yearning for love and connection that is available.

So when you get down and feel like faltering remember this .

Life has many lessons and love and relationships are the greatest teachers.

Relationships helps us evolve and grow as well as periods of singleness.

Watch for your own neon sign sign that says “keep walking real love is on it’s way”.

A love that is available one hundred percent .