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Twenty-one days and sometimes I forget the path my life is taking, and I feel happiness and joy, but those moments get hijacked.
Because in those moments when I am happy and the world seems to be almost right again, the memories I am trying to forget come to me and ask me to remember them.
This voice in my head shouts out, “Don’t forget us! We are still here! Don’t forget and leave us behind! Don’t forget the way we made you feel. Because if you forget us, you will also forget him.”
You will forget what it felt like to love someone so deeply that life without them seems unfathomable. You will forget that rush of excitement of being next to him—of hearing his voice after a long day when he would make you laugh and make your heart smile.
You will forget what it felt like to love with every fiber of your being and be loved back—to love a man with every part of your heart and soul. A love that you never knew existed. To be touched in a way that you felt like your whole body was alive. Like every last part of you was on fire.
You will forget what it felt like to have him look into your eyes as he held you and know that in that beautiful moment he felt exactly what you were feeling. You will forget that naive trust you had in him that made you believe every word he said and how beautiful those words were to hear. When he told you he would always be with you, that he would never leave you. That he loved you, in the same way you loved him, and you knew he really did.
Until he didn’t.
Until he made the choice to walk away and leave your heart shattered into so many pieces that you knew it would never fully be put back together whole. That no matter who comes into your life after him, there will always be a few broken pieces of your heart that he keeps.
You will move forward someday, but you will do this knowing you will always remember him and how he made you feel.
But right now, you plead and plead, please let me forget him so I can move on and not feel this gut-wrenching pain of his absence.
But they tell you no, not yet; it’s not the time. They tell you someday you can move on and that when you remember him, it won’t be with a broken heart and tears in your eyes but with a soft smile and a fleeting moment of that feeling you once had for him.
Someday you will hear his name or catch a glimpse of him, and all you will have are those beautiful memories, and you will be glad that they didn’t let you forget.