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We all know the drill by now.
If we want to commit to someone, we need to ask them some questions. The first time I read an article stating that questions are essential before commitment, I was actually sick to my stomach.
I imagined sitting with my partner and taking out of my pocket a long list of questions. And then depending on their answers, I choose whether to terminate the long, successful relationship or move forward with it. Ew.
To be honest, I had lots of questions in my mind for every single man I had ever dated. And although I never did any “interrogation,” I did hope to get all my questions answered.
It took me heartache and many other relationships to realize that no amount of questions is enough when it comes to love. If we cover 50 questions, know that there are 200 more lurking in the dark. And if we get all the answers we need, know that these exact same answers might change tomorrow.
Although answers can give us momentary comfort, they’re not exactly reliable.
Future goals and values change. “I would never cheat” might go out of the window in an unforeseeable situation. How we handle money strongly depends on the present moment and what it brings us. And although we are always honest and open today, we might keep a major secret tomorrow.
So asking questions with the expectation of long-term comfort and stability is an illusion. We are human beings with different emotions every single day. We change, fall, and grow by the minute.
That said, ditch the 50 or 60 questions you’ve been told to ask your partner. There’s only one question we need to ask—ourselves and our partner. If you know the answer, then you already know what’s going to happen.
Are we willing to work on our relationship?
Voila. So simple. So short.
We don’t need to ask anything else—trust me. I’ll break it down to you.
Are we ready for the ups and downs? Are we willing to adapt to the inevitable personal and general change?
We don’t need to know if we can “trust” our partner. We need to know if that trust was lost, would we be willing to sit and talk?
We don’t need to know if we have future goals. We need to know if, five years from now, we lost our jobs and home, will we stick together and start from zero?
We don’t know if we can be always honest. We need to know if one of us ever lied, can we communicate about what triggered that lie? Can we slowly pave the way to honesty together?
We don’t need to tell each other why our past relationships didn’t work out. We need to know if we would save ours if it were to drown.
We don’t need to know what makes us feel loved. We need to know if, 10 years from now, our needs changed, would we still meet them or would we stay attached to our old ways?
Consequently, instead of asking thousands of questions, just ask this one question. Let’s agree that no matter what, we will make it work. We will make the effort.
Are you going to make it work? If the answer is yes (like really, yes), it’s all you ever need to know.