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It’s so easy to look at ourselves in the mirror and find all the faults—all the things we do not like.

It’s easy to see the positive attributes in others, but when we look at ourselves, we often think of our failures and the things we despise.

But these failures are opportunities for success. They are there to push us further. They are a wake-up call to help us stand taller and be who we were meant to be.

Our failures are necessary for growth.

When a child is learning how to walk or ride a bike and they fall down, do we discourage them from trying again? No. We say, “Come on, get up. Try again.”

No one can tell us who we should be.

It’s not about making our parents happy and doing a job because they said so. Success is not measured by fame, money, or accomplishments.

Success is that one thing you did that made you happy. Success is a mindset.

Ultimate happiness is finding what we love through those small or large setbacks and continuing to climb that mountain.

We can ask ourselves, “Why am I here? What do I love to do?”

Asking these questions opens up our minds so we are able to find what we were meant to do.

As parents, we are there to guide our kids and bring out the best in them. We need to do the same for ourselves. We have a choice to either turn our failures into negative emotions or to ask how and why they happened.

Close your eyes and think of a failure or letdown that occurred in your life:

What change did that failure bring into my life?

What am I feeling?

Is it disappointment?

Is it sadness?

Is it relief?

What did you learn from this experience?

When we ask these questions, our minds will churn with ideas. That churning is like someone encouraging us to get up and continue on in that race. We can either listen to that voice and continue running, or we can stay down.

What choice will you make?

We are all creators and unique beings. We all have something no one else has.

Do not neglect the pain of your failures. You will certainly be sad and grieve, but you have a choice about how long you want it to last. When actors go on auditions, they may receive no after no (maybe thousands of nos)—no matter how good they are.

Is it discouraging? Absolutely!

But success happens when we think about why it didn’t work out and how we can do better.

Many times in my life, I’ve been told I couldn’t do something or that it would be too challenging.

I had my first child in my second year of graduate school and many of my mentors advised me to take the year off. Although this was a tempting idea, I couldn’t imagine not continuing with my class. Despite all that, I decided to continue on and was back in class three weeks after my delivery.

Another big challenge was that right before taking my psychology license, I fell in my kitchen and broke my arm. I was told by doctors that I would not use my arm the same way. Well, I beat the odds and told myself that I would and pushed through months of physical therapy and am today fully using my arm.

It’s all about mindset. What may seem impossible is just an initial feeling, but when we start envisioning our success, we can achieve anything.

We can change the narrative and say, “I will try it. And I can.” The challenges that others see are only their opinions. They do not define your ability to succeed.

Personally, I love challenges and someone telling me that it’s going to be hard.

If you are passionate about something, it won’t be hard because it will come from a place of excitement. When you are doing something you love, others will see that and ask, “How did you do that? Can you help me?”

So the next time you feel discouraged or you fail at something or someone tells you no, change your mindset.

Don’t take it as a personal attack. Keep on pushing, keep on asking, and show up.

You are great and you are your own power. That right there, that feeling, is what I call success.

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