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September 24, 2021

This is the Mother Wound.

 

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When I first heard the term “mother wound,” I wasn’t 100 percent sure what it meant, but I knew that I had one. 

As a mother myself, I knew that I was feeling stuck in a wound. But I didn’t know what it was.

What is a mother wound? 

The mother wound is created when we’re children, and the mother wasn’t able to validate our needs—wasn’t emotionally attuned to our feelings. She might have been highly critical, codependent, or controlling. It is passed down from generation to generation (unconsciously) and manifests as mom guilt, people-pleasing, fixer identity, emotional exhaustion, low confidence and self-worth, and emotional trauma.

I honestly believe there is some level of mother wound in all of us, whether it comes directly from our maternal lineage via cultural conditionings, social pressures, or societal “norms.” And I also believe that it is time to take agency around this and heal our childhood wounds to move into a more conscious way of living—and parenting.

Why would I make such a bold statement? 

Because we have to, so our children and our future generations find resilience in a world that is forever changing (and fast). We are shifting from an old paradigm of parenting—using fear, guilt, and punishment—to seeing parenting as a journey in honouring our child’s autonomy and supporting them in what they are here to do.

We move from parenting from a place of fear and trauma to mindfulness and consciousness. I’m not saying that it’s easy because parenting is hard, but in this, we can do the hard stuff and still parent from a place of our own truth.

The mother wound manifests into:

>> emotional exhaustion and compromised mental health

>> saviour and fixer identity, which leads to looking for external validation from others

>> self-sabotaging our own success as a parent and person

>> unable to accept our emotions and process them healthily

>> relationship attachment challenges with others and our child

>> lack of boundaries

>> lack of self and trust

>> a loud inner critic who contributes to our belief of “lack”

When we bring awareness to our mother wound, we are:

>> able to honor our emotions and not take on others

>> looking for internal validation in parenting and life (You are enough!)

>> not afraid of following our dreams and listening to our desires

>> healthily processing our emotions

>> able to maintain secure attachments

>> implementing healthy boundaries

>> trusting our intuition

>> able to re-parent

I moved into a conscious parenting paradigm, felt more confident in my parenting, and was able to break generational patterns of lack and distrust when I was able to shift these beliefs.

How does this transition into parenting? 

When I became a new mom, I started to see how my mom’s narratives and beliefs were taking center stage for me. I started to feel lost, overwhelmed, and anxious. I noticed that my son was triggering emotions and thoughts within me that I had never felt before. I started to feel like I wasn’t doing enough, that I couldn’t trust my intuition, and that I was highly judgemental of myself and other moms. 

Something in me, maybe my inner mother, who was buried deep inside, told me that I had to change for myself and my son. When I became a certified Conscious Parenting Coach with Dr. Shefali, I realised that my subconscious was deeply wired in lack, judgement, and unhealthy boundaries. 

Have you ever felt like your parents imposed their judgements on you, had no boundaries, or disregarded your emotions? What was modelled for you by your mom and past generations (though unconsciously and not their fault)?

It stops here:

As I began to heal my mother wound, I was able to see that the anxiety and the lack of trust all started as a child. I started to re-parent my inner child with epic love and compassion as I moved through awareness, acknowledgement, re-parenting, and reclaiming my inner mother to be the conscious, mindful, and true me as a woman and mother.

The connection to my inner mother and the grieving process of the relationship I wished I had with my own mother as a child allows me to be the best mother and woman I can be—now.

I feel spacious, free, and abundant in life because I took the nudge to learn more about my mother wound, begin the healing process, and work on it (daily) for my son and myself.

If this post and these words resonate with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. Healing isn’t linear; it’s a daily practice.

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