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What an expansive state love is.
There is nothing more powerful than to know the depths of love and all that it brings in really knowing ourselves at the most intimate level.
We can either run toward it or run from it depending on the relationship we have with ourselves.
Love is such an intimate space that it will trigger all of our insecurities and wounds that have remained unaddressed as a way to confront our shadows and remove layers of unconscious beliefs and programming.
There are two types of relationships: those that are unconscious, where both people just remain in the same patterns of blame, codependency, and compromise, and there are conscious relationships where two people become aware of their unconscious programming, focus on creating a healthy self-concept, and love without expectation of the other being a source of their happiness.
If you ask almost anyone, we all desire the conscious relationship that feels free of expectation, yet not everyone is able to actually create this kind of love because of their attachment to their identity (which is a construct of their beliefs and thought processes).
There is so much unhealthy advice and rules around love and relationships that teach people how to “fix” relationships and compromise, which is ultimately putting all of our attention on that which is outside of us.
When our focus is on another person and how they are behaving or how to “earn” their love, then all we are doing is giving our power away to them or the circumstances instead of fully loving ourselves. This does not mean that we become a doormat or stay in an abusive relationship. Circumstances and people change only in relation to how we view ourselves.
You cannot change anyone else—the only person you can change is you.
If your partner is showing up in an undesirable way or projecting their insecurities on you, the common way to approach this is to communicate your feelings and how you would like them to change their behavior.
This may work temporarily, but it never addresses the core issue because they are only a reflection of the doubts, fears, and disbeliefs you have in your own value. Reality is only a reflection of our inner world and self-concept. We can only perceive the world through the lens we are familiar with—until we change it.
Whatever fears or insecurities we have around relationships will manifest in our reality until we address the limiting belief that is within us.
If we truly love ourselves and feel confident in our own worth and value, we would not even react to how someone else is showing up. Nothing outside of us is the source of our happiness. If someone is blaming us or projecting onto us and we assign it meaning as validation or invalidation of our worth, then this will trigger our own insecurities.
This is where we need to take a step back and look for the limiting beliefs within ourselves that are causing this disharmony. The only work we need to be doing is addressing all of our limiting beliefs—changing them to match our desired state of being and stabilizing our own source of happiness within.
Only when we shift our old self-concept to a new one and become whole within, where we need nothing outside of us to feel fulfilled, is when circumstances, people, and relationships will begin to shift to match our inner world.
This is where we can love fearlessly without expectations of anyone else having to be a certain way for us to be happy.
Their change in behavior is a by-product of the relationship we have with ourselves.
We create our own reality with our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves.