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October 19, 2021

How Trust Issues Prevent the Love we Deserve.

 

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I want to write about trust.

I want people to know that it is okay to be skeptical and unsure of what the intentions are of others—especially when they have not yet had the deserved experience of receiving our trust.

I want people to know that even when they aren’t sure, or they feel uneasy about certain situations, they are always granted full permission to do what they need for themselves to feel comfortable and secure. I want to teach people that ensuring our needs are met before another’s is the greatest form of love.

As we take care of all that, we need to allow connection to flourish around heartfelt events and open conversations. All of us deserve to receive our own time and attention.

I want people to know that recognizing distrust is far more than just walking past a stranger on a dark street and knowing that they are not to be trusted.

It is about recognizing that other people can and will also have your best interests in mind and in their heart of intention. There are people who love us and will ask us to surrender to them in a loving and trust-filled way so that they can show us that we can rely on them to hold space for our hearts.

I recognize that we are the best indicator of what we need in each moment and with this being said, I ask you to notice and believe that there will be people who come into your life who want to assist you and love you. Although, they may not be able to fully do so while you are still in a state of believing that they are unable.

I have been in situations where I have emasculated partners, micromanaged family, and blown off friends because I didn’t trust that they would also have the desire or innate ability to care about my feelings or interests. I needed the control as I believed I was the only one who would be able to do that for myself. I thought I had to do it all alone.

Little did I know, people wanted to care—they wanted to help—but my trust in their capabilities to do so was minimal. And so, it resulted in me pushing them away in order for me to just “take care of it.”

I remember a time when I was in a hotel room with a man who I truly loved and cared for. He was laying with his feet up on the bed and I was sitting in a chair facing him while trying to express the love that I wanted to share. I told him that I had been trying to love him and demonstrate my love the best way I could, but I was also not shy to point out that he was not letting me love him.

When I think about that particular memory now, I see it as a complete mirror of what I had been doing to others. I see that even when I claimed to be open—when I would tell myself repeatedly that I was lovable—I was still closing myself off to receiving love due to my innate distrust of other people’s intention and ability to hold my heart.

I tell this antidote to speak to how trust issues may show up and how unobvious it may be. We can use affirmations about being receptive, open, and allowing of the love that we deserve, while also not being able to be present with ourselves about our ability to actually receive and trust its pursuit toward us.

I want people to know that it is okay to believe that trust is hard—that there may be mindset beliefs surrounding the capabilities of another’s ability to love us when we have not been in a position to learn what that feels like. (Especially when it seems like you have been alone and doing life on your own.)

It may be hard to acknowledge the fear around the vulnerabilities we carry when it comes to opening up and relying on another to show up fully in faith, but it is also in the interest of our hearts.

I feel you. You are not alone in this discovery. There are layers to releasing and allowing ourselves to accept that others may actually be able to show up in love—not because they have to, but because they want to. They want to love you. They want to wrap their arms around you in support of all that you may be going through. They want to be trusted in your presence of pain and in glory.

You deserve to release the stress you have placed upon your soul and allow others to give to you.

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