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October 14, 2021

Rising out of the Collective Existential Despair.

If I have learned anything these past years, it’s that I have to start speaking and actively participating in the world.

I have been suffocating because of all the words that I keep locked up inside. My throat is hoarse. My heart is with a constant heaviness, and I’ve been feeling weak to be this painfully silent when there is so much to be said.

The truth is I am f*cking angry. But in a system that hasn’t taught me how to handle the full range of human emotions, I just end up feeling sad and defeated because feeling angry is something I’ve learned was wrong.

And I’m confused. This system that we live by is corrupt, unsustainable, heartbreaking, anxiety-inducing, but it’s advocated like the gospel.

It’s an economic model that doesn’t have any space for valuing the very environment we depend on for our survival, that doesn’t support us to pursue intrinsic values, that keeps us so busy we are barely connecting to ourselves let alone to each other, and that thrives on the insecurity driving us to consume in order to fill an unfillable void.

And I’ve been a product of this system for far too long, another good little citizen, keeping quiet as not to rock the proverbial boat, numbing myself just to function in it, hiding my depths and contradictions so that I won’t be branded the crazy one.

But why are we so interested in talking about the crazy ones when our governments are being swayed by the greed of multinationals rather than the cries of the people they are supposed to represent, and when many of us who are crying aren’t able to endure a little discomfort to stand up for what we fervently feel is right?

Perhaps what is most uncomfortable for me is that I have no clear upbeat conclusion to wrap this up in right now. Because I feel it so deeply in my soul, this existential, collective despair. We’re right in the thick of it.

But I’m listening, and I’m looking at my actions through a magnifying glass. Because there is nothing more important for humanity right now than to re-learn how to better exist on this earth.

Our earth is burning up, and it’s melting away. We’re at a precipice where we can’t disconnect any further from this precious world we rely on to survive and thrive, and where our self-healing is an integral part of rising to this most ardent cause.

We already know what we need to do, now is the time; let’s rise.

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