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October 26, 2021

The Subtle, yet Powerful Relationship Advice that Changed my Entire Life.

Sometimes the most powerful advice is a statement so subtle it makes every synapse in your brain fry.

Advice comes in all forms—great or small. 

It is simplicity that can completely change your life in a fleeting moment. “You don’t have to wait for something bad to happen.” This matter-of-fact statement from the police officer completely changed the entire trajectory of my life.

Leaving any bad situation (be it work or relationship related) right before the big boom could have driven anyone’s anxiety levels to Defcon 4 for sure. Our brains are not designed to operate the same way as our inner consciousnesses or intuition.

The human brain—especially the oldest part—the brainstem and thalamus, is designed for survival, which largely depends on an external stimulus to activate the vital functions. Even the right lobe of the brain, designed for abstract thinking, largely depends on physical, audial, and visual evidence to create the thoughts and commands necessary for functioning.

To further complicate matters, our society has largely become an evidence-based society. If we don’t have the physical evidence, then our conclusion is usually ruled invalid.

While lip service is paid to the adage, trust your gut is too rarely seen as a valid reason for leaving any given situation unless there is some kind of proven abuse, neglect, or hardship.

This makes trusting our intuition even more challenging, especially when our spidey senses are saying: Get out now!

At the time of my life-changing event, I was a latent medium who was struggling to embrace my spiritual gifts. I was straddling the two different roles: The dutiful Christian who did not entertain such rubbish and the budding medium who always knew contact with the other side was possible because I used to see the deceased all of the time as a kid.

Apparently, when I was pregnant with my daughter, my intuitive gifts decided to explode. Like every medium out there, I had to go through a “training” period where I had to allow spirit to guide me—no questions asked.

Life has a way of developing our gifts, and it is not always done in an ideal way. We will never develop spiritually isolated on a Caribbean island while dolphins playfully chirp at us and a glowing piece of jade washes onshore to validate our calling—not at all.

Development is sometimes so subtle that it requires a leap of faith so radical that we have to trust only what is inside of us—and only that. But this is about the advice that helped me leave an unhealthy relationship.

I was a vulnerable young mother with an infant at the time I received this advice. My unhealthy situations were so normal that they usually took an extreme situation to force me to leave the situation. The universe wanted me to do something different.

I had to place unadulterated trust in the guidance I was receiving without relying on external validation.

For once, I was being called by a higher power to place my well-being, and that of my daughter’s, above the need to be a martyr. I knew there was something maleficent manifesting in the dynamic, but I could never put my finger on it. Why? There was no real evidence besides the usual squabbles partners have.

However, there were other things I saw. Things that created instability and my tolerance for this instability suddenly plummeted. I remember making a promise to myself in high school that I would never repeat the negative generational cycles I grew up in. One fateful day, the universe decided it was time for me to make good on my promise.

My partner had decided to visit some friends, and that was when I made the call to ensure I was within my rights to leave. That was when the police officer gave me the advice that changed the course of my life: “You don’t have to wait for something bad to happen if you know you need to leave.”

The gears clicked, and it took everything I had to quietly prepare a departure. Trusting my intuition took more courage than it appeared. On the outside, I was cool and composed, but on the inside, I was a mess.

Imagine nothing has happened yet but knowing that you need to go. But then again, what if I were crazy?

Thankfully, I had two wonderful friends who helped me move and supported/validated that knowing. The universe will never leave us empty-handed when we have to take such a leap.

Once I took that step into the unknown, I found myself in a wilderness of new trials and tests. Never once did I receive any external validation for this leap. There was no miracle deposit in my bank account, no great job that landed in my lap, and certainly, there was no great guy waiting on the other side either. (Side note: 10 years later, and still no great guy.)

I had to follow my intuition, my guidance from the universe, and my angels, and take full complete responsibility for my choices. For the last 10 years, I have been raising my daughter in a rather unique adverse environment.

Unique in that the trials and situations we have found ourselves have always required a level of faith and trust in ourselves that have opened doors to greater possibilities.

I lived in a homeless shelter for three and half years while confronting my inner-most demons and working my way up and out of the shelter.

By the time my daughter was two, I was working full-time and securing grants for the shelter. We moved out six years ago, and now I have a master’s degree in psychology, my mediumship has increased, and my daughter is 10 years old.

I lost a lot of “friends” as a result of taking such a leap 10 years ago. I have been branded an irresponsible and bad mother. Many feel that I should have stayed and suffered until the good Lord put his hands upon me to release me of my suffering.

However, that was the point.

What has martyrdom really done for our society besides creating endless cycles of trauma?

In the medieval ages, many female saints who endured abusive relationships had little to no recourse. Their only outlet and coping mechanism was prayer and seeking deep forgiveness for their partners’ crimes because that was all they had. Many, like Saint Rita, did see the miraculous conversion of their husbands.

We are not living in the dark ages anymore. If productive conflict-resolution has failed, then we have permission to leave before anything worse happens. This leap taught me that we are all given a unique set of lessons for our growth and development. I had to leave a lot of people behind to get to where I am today.

The common denominator (of those I had cut ties with) was the lesson they were trying to force upon me. They had either failed to learn or refused to learn it themselves—talk about boundary setting.

Going through this journey of self-discovery, spiritual development, and motherhood has helped me discern what lessons I need to learn and what lessons are not mine.

Eventually, I will have to learn how to let someone in who could truly care about us. It will not be easy.

Walking away from a relationship has sent me on a journey that has transformed me from the inside out. It cultivated the gift of mediumship, forgiveness, compassion, persistence, discernment, and healthy boundaries.

If I had to do it all over again I would, knowing full well that there will still be no great guy or lucrative book deal even after all of this time. Why? Because the woman who continues to emerge within me is worth it.

My daughter who is so creative, compassionate, and perhaps a little more tenacious for her own good is worth it. My family is worth it. I look at her and see how she is so grounded, connected to nature and animals, and solution-oriented. She has positive relationships with her friends, teachers, and community members. She is why I had to take a literal blind leap of faith.

There are so many of us who are destined to break generational curses and/or cycles.

When you are called, remember these two things: you and your future generations are worth it, and you don’t have to wait for something bad to happen.

You’ve endured enough and are free to go.

~

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