Most clients come to me when they desire a positive change in their life.
They usually know, even before they come to see a holistic developmental coach, that including practices like nourishing their body with wholesome food, moving their body regularly, and caring for their mind with meditation and mindset work would be beneficial.
Most of them know that making those changes in their life would be going in the flow of self-love; however, they have not been able to make or sustain those changes yet. They seem stuck in their old habits, over and over again—why?
One of the first and key questions I get them to ponder is on their true intention: “Are you truly willing to change?”
The answer is usually: “Yes, I am here, so I am willing.”
I pause and then I ask again: “Are you truly?”
It is generally true that when you are ready to seek support, your conscious mind might be willing. You might feel enough discomfort in your life that your mind tells you that it is time to make a change. And you think that you truly want that change, you might cognitively know that those changes would be good, but this has not dropped down yet to a full body understanding, too.
The art of willingness is a whole mind and body decision.
It is an energy, an intention, where your whole mind-body energy system is truly willing to say no to your own personal drama and is saying yes to change. Yes to giving yourself permission for change, yes to loving that change, and yes to giving it your best.
It is a full mind-body energy of, “No more hell, and yes to love!”
If the changes you desire haven’t come to fruition yet, there is something blocking that “cognitive” to “full body” descent that must be made.
And let’s be clear—without that descent, there will be no sustainable change. You might feel better for a few months, but you’ll come back to your old patterns after a while.
So what is blocking that true full mind-body energy system decision?
It usually comes down to certain programming or trauma from childhood, limiting beliefs about yourself, or expectations that you took from others for yourself. And all of those might be outside of your awareness.
Know that all of that programming is showing up—when parts of yourself are seemingly hindering the healing process—because it was useful at some point in the past; it was there to protect you from pain and suffering, or at least it seemed that way. So, it is showing up again and again, in a disintegrated manner, to try to protect you. Now those programs, or parts of yourself, might not have the approach that will actually work to get you back to a flow of self-love and change.
Therefore, the first and key step for any change to be possible, is to take a moment for yourself, close your eyes, take a few breaths, and ask yourself:
“Am I truly willing to change?”
“What is standing between me and the change I want to see in my life?”
“Am I giving myself permission to change?”
In this brief moment of connection and silence, what is coming up for you? What reasons, excuses, or beliefs are coming up? Let the answers flow either in your mind or on paper.
A few additional questions to uncover what could be blocking the possibility for change:
>> Is there a part of you that doesn’t believe you deserve a life of happiness? Why? Who put this belief in your system?
>> Is there a part of you that is comfortable where you are? A part that fears change is going to be a hard road and is not willing to make the effort for it?
>> Is there a part of you that actually enjoys where you are? Because making change would mean changing an ecosystem around you that is not serving you well, but is familiar and therefore comfortable?
>> Is there a part of you that believes you cannot handle that change and this part tries to protect you from pain?
>> Is there a part of you that feels it would be dangerous to be vulnerable, to feel and share, and therefore forbids you from looking deeper?
>> Is there a part of you that wants to keep you “small” for fear that finding your truth, rising and shining, might be a dangerous path?
This is the first part of the journey of development. Being willing to look deep, to ask questions, and to answer truly and courageously.
From those first answers, from this awareness, the journey of transformation will unfold at its own rhythm to unroot those limiting beliefs and patterns, to let you enjoy the flow of change and all the good things that come with it.
You might need support from a coach or therapist in that transformational journey and that is totally okay! We all need a helping hand from time to time.