October 28, 2021

Saying Goodbye to Someone We Thought We Couldn’t Live Without.

 

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When we finally said goodbye, it didn’t even hurt.

I thought it would crush my soul entirely. It almost did the last time. And the time before that. And the time before that.

I didn’t think I would be able to live through it this time, but I did. This time there wasn’t a single tear. Maybe it’s because we’ve already said goodbye so many times before. Maybe it’s because it never lasts. Maybe it’s because I’m numb to the pain now. Or maybe it’s because it’s finally time.

Because as much as I love you, I can’t live with you in my life anymore.

In the past, it killed me to think of being without you.

Even though we were without each other more often than not, I thought things would be different this time. I thought you were different. I thought I was different. I thought that you understood what this was and who we were to each other.

I was wrong. Nothing changed. We were stuck in a perpetual Groundhog Day loop, the same thing over and over again. Every time. Exactly the same. I didn’t have a choice anymore. I had to break the cycle. It was the only way I could keep living.

Strangely, I’m not sad. I’m not sad for myself anyway, only for you. I feel like I’ve abandoned you and left you entirely alone. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be the catalyst who makes you fall apart, but I know I can’t help you anymore. I’m holding you back.

You might hate me right now, but I can accept that. You’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. We’re good people, you and I, but we aren’t good together. And that’s okay.

~

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