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*warning: well-deserved cursing ahead!
Today, I remembered that sometimes, a little of “fuck this, that, and you” is necessary and leads to incredible healing.
I accepted that I am everything. I am sunshine and storm clouds. I am healthy and toxic. I am wise and ignorant. I’m a sweetheart and a bitch. I am confident and fearful. I am whole and broken.
I meditate. I cry. I write. I compliment. I try to be the light protruding from my own darkness.
And most times, I am not. I pray for peace and send blessings. I don’t hate or anger others easily. I rather fear and self-loathe. I resist, avoid, and let the lack that I desire consume me.
I have spent an unimaginable amount of hours processing the past and stressing over the future, which has landed me on some sort of despair in the present.
This morning, after a week of unusual stressing and recognizing the patterns that kept me stuck, I woke up saying “fuck that.”
I lit my candles, reciting my intentions with each wick that sparked fire:
“I release this negative energy and return ill effects to the sender. I remember that I do not take shit and let it sew seams into me. I allow it to flow through me. The fire within burns my anger to ashes. I will keep my lessons and stand in my power. So mote it be.”
I brewed a blessing pot and confided in unseen forces to cleanse my space and my energy field, blessing and protecting us.
I closed my eyes and called upon Earth, wind, and fire to assist me on my journey.
I thanked them.
I cut the dead ends off of my hair, each strand representing the dead ends I’m holding onto in my life.
I put on “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks and sang every word. Thrice.
I owned my anger. I embraced my inner bitch. I accepted everything that I’ve been holding in and let it move through me.
When the movie Practical Magic reached the midnight margarita scene, I got up and danced through my kitchen.
Today, I embraced my power.
I remembered who the fuck I am, and I owned every part of myself shamelessly.