What is emotional intelligence, and how do we become emotionally intelligent?
It’s essential to understand what emotions are; emotions are energy in motion.
Emotions are simply energy that runs through our body and inspires us into action through love, frustration, anxiety, depression, anger, passion, balance, and so on.
Also, our emotions can paralyze us with fear and make us unable to act on the things we want to be, do, and experience in this life.
Most people think emotional intelligence has to do with reading other people’s emotions, knowing how to read a room, or trying to guess how to influence other people’s state of being.
All of these are false as we cannot control anyone but ourselves.
See, most of us are victims of our emotions. We allow our emotions to control us instead of having practices where we can become empowered and master our emotions and our state of being.
When we take control of our emotions, we allow ourselves to see that they are a guiding system. The energy in motion is giving us messages to become self-empowered, to fulfill our destiny and daily duties so that we learn to trust our emotions as signals that guide us to take action and align us with a greater cosmic system.
This is when we become emotionally intelligent and in tune with the universe’s plan for us, instead of trying to control this whole life journey, thinking we are going through it alone.
When a person cuts you off in traffic, you might flip out and say, “That person is so rude and selfish.” Or, someone might honk at you and flip you off, so you do the same.
This is you being a victim to your emotions; you’ve allowed yourself to become reactive and meet someone in a low vibration frequency instead of asking yourself, “Is this really who I want to be?”
We all want to be the person who can simply remain calm, peaceful, unbothered, and happy because this means we are empowered where the outside world doesn’t influence the inside world of how our body and mind are feeling.
What are the steps to practice enhancing our emotional intelligence?
1. Step one: establish awareness.
You want to become aware of how often the outside world is controlling your state of being.
You can do a million things in this world, but if you’re doing something with no emotional connection and in anger, bitterness, and resentment, or because you feel like you have no other option, your ability to attract greatness into your life is tiny, next to none. The energy that is in motion, running through you, will be repulsing other people.
I recommend taking a whole week to sit down and track what you do and how you feel when you’re doing these things. I mean track everything from when you’re sitting in rush hour, brushing your teeth, grocery shopping, being at work, what meetings you have…all of it.
Then, after writing down each activity, write how each task makes you feel. Most people are shocked at how much they are forcing themselves to do things they don’t love. Well, it would be no surprise that you are not maximizing your emotional intelligence because you’re forcing yourself to do something that does not empower you to be in a state of well-being. However, from this newfound self-awareness, you can move into step two.
2. Step two: write a list of things that make you happy, well, and excited about life.
After you see what is not working in your life, begin to answer these questions:
>> If you could do anything with your time, what would it be?
>> If you could let go of anything you don’t want to do again, what would that be?
Then from this list, begin to see how you can let go of things you don’t want to do, and you can add more things into your life that will enhance your emotions.
For example, when I worked in corporate America, I hated rush hour. I mean hated it. So, I asked my managers if I could come in at 6 a.m. and leave at 2 p.m. They said yes, only if I still met my sales numbers. Because I did this, I well-exceeded my sales numbers, and I was a much happier person.
Also, this gave me more time, energy, and inspiration to actually begin researching my plan to leave the corporate world. Whereas, if I were still sitting in rush hour and losing another two hours of my day on top of doing a job I didn’t love, my energy would have been so low that making time to plan for my dreams would never happen.
3. Step three: Master your own emotions and empower others to master theirs.
The biggest misconception in all of this is when people say they are emotionally intelligent because they can know other people’s feelings.
No! You are not emotionally intelligent if you think you can assume other’s emotions and make decisions based on what you feel. Emotional intelligence in leading teams and other people around you means that you observe and understand the type of energy occurring between you and someone else or a team, yet you ask honest questions to give people the space to express themselves.
This way, they feel heard, listened to, and connected with instead of assuming you think you know everything.
In my first book, Live Your Truth, I talk about this as it relates to a South African woman I met. When I asked her about herself, she finally opened up and shared how she witnessed white people kill her family and how she could still serve me dinner and not hold it against me as I am white.
Now, this is emotional intelligence at its finest, being able to read a room and guide others to be vulnerable to share their emotions healthily, so we connect on truth instead of pain.
Emotional intelligence is more complex because it’s not just the mindset of “you input information and can then measure that someone is thinking differently.”
Emotional intelligence, at its core, goes into the wellness model of the mind, body, and soul—learning to know yourself deeply, honestly, and intimately.
So, you learn how to navigate your emotions and the external world around you to feel so empowered that you will still be able to get up and be fabulous no matter what life throws at you.
No matter the harshness this world offers, you will still choose love, calm, peace, and wanting to be a good person who does wondrous deeds that you may never see the benefits of.
Part of fulfilling your destiny is learning to control, manage, and navigate your emotions instead of being debellated by them.
I hope this serves!