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You know who you are. Your fury is your weapon. Your shiny sense of superiority is your shield.
Deep inside, so far down you probably can’t even see it yourself, you’re hurting so intensely that you keep your porcupine quills always on alert. You keep your poisoned darts ready to launch.
Your blustering and posturing are the performances you give in order to hide the unfathomable fear that is always lurking, trying to pull you under.
Your image on the wall is huge and frightening; your voice is loud and persistent. If you have it, your money backs up your loud voice. You seem scary.
You don’t let others speak when you are angry because you are afraid of what they might say. You stand there blaring out your presence, battering others with your volume and persistence.
You can’t let the silence land long enough to hear another’s voice. If there is silence or the interference of other voices, the fear inside you may overwhelm you. You believe you show strength. You are completely unaware of the truth of what you are presenting.
The more damage you try to do, the louder you speak and the more violently you push your own agenda, the more your weakness shows. How far you fall will depend on how far you push.
Every time you lash out, the curtain moves aside and more people see you as you really are. How much of yourself do you want to show?
If you don’t want people to eventually see your deep pain, your damaged and frightened self, you will need to stop lashing out. You will need to put on the mask, tread more carefully. You will need to rein it in. You will need to find another way to express yourself.
The more you bully, the more you bulldoze over people, the more you will be seen for exactly who you are.
You could find outlets that are healthy. You could become an athlete (and stick with it). You could fiercely take up a good cause—raise money for something or someone in need. You could pursue something difficult in order to harness the energy that is being used so damagingly.
If you could channel your fear and anger into powerful energy toward something good, which you believe in, you’d fight back the fear with all of your strength. You’d beat it. You’d conquer it. It would no longer sit on the edge, trying to drown you while you try to damage the world.
And the world would see you as someone driven, someone using their strength for good. You’d be seen as a hero. Exert all of that damaging energy onto something meaningful. You could change the world and you could be noticed for it.
The thing is, you’d have to really go for it. You’d need to pick your place to do your work, and you’d need to push through all of the distractions and earworms that the fear inside you would create. You’d need to give this work as much energy as you currently give to fights with those around you. You’d need to throw yourself in and stay in.
Bit by bit, you’d win over the overpowering fear inside of you. Bit by bit, you’d conquer it for good. Someday, at the end of your life, you’d find yourself surrounded by all of those you had helped, by all of those who love you, and you’d feel the beautiful power of what you’d done. You will never feel that if you continue on your current path of destruction.
Right now, you fight with people who are only doing wrong in your own mind, simply because they do things differently from you. You are so lost in your own singular vision and indignation that anyone could dare to see the world differently from you, that you forget that the world is a large place and pretty much everyone sees the world differently from you.
Everyone sees the world just a little bit differently from everyone else. Even those who agree with you on most things, will disagree with you once in a while. Will you let that shatter your world? Will you let that destroy you? Will you turn on them and try to destroy them?
The more you bluster and bully and push to try to make others the same as you, the smaller you will make your world—until eventually, you will be the only one in it. Perhaps someone will stay for a long time with you and pretend to agree fully with you because they ache for you and want to help you, but eventually you will push them away too. You will be stuck in your tiny little self-made world, unable to escape because you built the walls yourself.
You are building those walls right now. You are throwing bricks at those outside who keep trying to come close to ask you to come out.
We are bewildered at your attempts to blame us for your actions. We wish you’d stop. Not for us, but for yourself and the innocents close to you.
You are breaking your own life.