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January 31, 2022

love is just as complicated as you!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.

I have the hardest time understanding things sometimes.  Maybe I am not meant to!  I have always been driven to look for a deeper meaning and know the “why” behind everything, almost like its a soul quest.

That is my purpose!

At this point in my life, I am working on some pretty big personal / emotional goals.

  1. To let go of things that do not bring joy into my world;
  2. To trust myself and others more;
  3. To trust my faith;
  4. To have compassion for others;
  5. To forgive more;
  6. Judge less;
  7. To let go of impatience; and
  8. To accept others for where they are at and what they can give.

These are not trendy New Years resolutions, these are not things I “hope” to change!

Quite the opposite, these are the things that are holding me back from moving on to the next level of my growth.

It is important to me that I gain the strength to accept people for who they are, with the understanding that accepting someone doesn’t mean they have to remain in my life, I can simply let them go with Grace and without Judgement.

One thing that I am working through, and feel like it might be a common issue for some while traveling on their relationship journey is how men are able to move on so quickly after a relationship ends.  They appear so seemingly happy, even weeks after a split, and are able to bond with someone new, without the blink of an eye.

Since a majority of my coaching is focused on relationships, this topic has truly fascinated me the way it has baffled women time and time again.  It appears that for most of us (healthy) women, we have a much more difficult time moving on and letting go and the simple thought of being with another man a few weeks or months after a significant breakup is almost nauseating.

Meanwhile our men are back on the hunt for a replacement almost instantly.  Simply, mind boggling!

As someone who is currently doing the online dating thing, I see it with my own eyes, constantly.  When you ask a man how long he has been single you get the roundabout answer.  Very rarely do you hear about a man taking a year off from dating, voluntarily, to heal from the loss of a significant other.

(Healthy) Women on the other hand, we mourn, cry, eat, cry, starve ourselves, cry, buy things, lay in bed and cry.  Then one day we wake up, feel a little better.  We finally shave our legs, get our hair done, go back to the gym, stop at the coffee shop (yes the one we both loved), start eating or stop eating, and actually feel alive again.

It is only then that we are even able to consciously consider dipping our toes back into the dating pool again.

Wow, men and women are so different, aren’t we?

So that makes me wonder, and ask all you men out there (and women, of course), how do you move on so quickly?

I did read that you can tell how much a man (or woman) is hurting by how fast they move on.  I also think there is a direct correlation between moving on quickly and the inability to be alone.  I think this is common in most men, for many reasons.

But, I digress!

The other concept I have a super hard time with but am trying to master compassion for is men (and women) who are able to have casual and “easy breezy” relationships. So, there is a part of me that can’t wrap my head around this and another part of me that is envious.

You see, fortunately and unfortunately, I am not wired that way.  I am wired for commitment.  I am not talking about “happily ever after”, because after being divorced twice you learn that there really is no such thing.  But, I definitely prefer a deeper connection and commitment to each other.

So, what does all this mean?

I like comfort, (perceived) security, knowing someone is mine and I am theirs. I don’t like the unknown, and although I am very aware that NOTHING is guaranteed, I like thinking things are in place and do not like wondering where I stand with someone.

What I am not good at, because of my desire for depth, is casual, surface level, easy breezy, good times and nothing more.

I like working towards that bigger purpose and the greater causes that have deeper meanings.  Its just who I am and that is not going to change.

So, why do I tend to gravitate towards the men who want easy breezy?  That is for another article.

So to wrap this article up, I guess we are all different in what we need, what we want, what we can offer, and what we are willing to accept.

I am a work in progress, just like everyone else but love is such a complicated thing, isn’t it?

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on these topics.

Do you thrive in a relationship that is based on commitment or do you prefer an easy breezy, casual relationship?

Do tell!

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