January 3, 2022

The Good Kind of Anger—& Why it’s (Sometimes) Good for You.


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More than five years ago, I couldn’t bring myself to end a relationship.

In fact, and to be honest, it was a situationship. For years, what we had remained undefined, and after lots of ghosting, meeting up again, and ghosting once more, I finally summoned up my courage to define what we had.

After hours of talking and coming clean, it was clear and final that our situationship wasn’t going to work out any longer.

I still perfectly remember the moment I stepped out of his car and took a cab. Although I had shed tears for this guy for more years than I care to remember, that moment, in the cab, I felt differently.

As much as it hurt to let him go, I didn’t flinch. I didn’t cry in that cab. I didn’t cry when I got home. I didn’t cry ever again about what happened. I stopped crying.

But I was angry.

I was so damn angry.

However, it wasn’t any kind of anger. It was the good kind of anger.

A few weeks later, I booked a flight to Nepal. A few months later, I booked another flight to Georgia (country). Many months later, I did things I never thought I would do. One year later, I met the man who’s now my husband.

If it weren’t for my anger, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

This anger is important. This anger can turn your life upside down. It can change you, mold you, move you, push you.

This anger can change incessant situations that have been happening for far too long. It can act as a catalyst for beginnings and events that we’ve been anticipating.

This anger is (sometimes) good for you.

A few days ago, something happened, and it triggered so many angry emotions within me. But I didn’t let that anger consume me; I let it transform me, and it was beautiful. I used that anger to do things I have been keeping on hold. I used that anger to challenge myself and my beliefs.

I used that anger to improve my situation.

The good kind of anger is when we respond to upsetting situations with a change rather than a reaction.

Usually, our automatic tendency is to do something about the situation that’s upsetting us—to make it right, to slow it down.

But maybe all we need to do is to have enough. Maybe our initial reaction to anger should be no reaction at all. Instead of letting anger consume us, we can let it transform us.

Have enough. Be angry, in a good way. Take all this anger, these bad, all-consuming emotions, and make something with them. A trip, a good action, an exercise, a habit, an article, a painting, a move. Make something—anything.

What are you going to do with your anger today?

Have you had enough?


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