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February 22, 2022

5 Hard Truths we must Accept before Finding Love.

 

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The journey to finding love can be a roller coaster.

It’s a ride filled with highs and lows and lessons to learn with some heartbreak along the way.

But the beautiful thing about the journey to finding love is that we often find ourselves in the process. In fact, that’s the basis of the coaching I do with my clients.

Before we even get into what a client is looking for in a partner, we set up a foundation of self-love and acceptance. A foundation that carries them throughout life, no matter what happens.

Because the (tough-love) truth is that in order to find love, we must find love within ourselves first.

We must break down all the walls that are blocking love from entering our lives.

Love is out there for every single person on this planet if that’s what they desire. Love is out there for you, too. Even if right now you don’t believe it. This is my life’s mission—to guide all the women (who desire love) to their soul mates.

And it starts with being your own soul mate, first—So love has no choice but to enter your life effortlessly.

When I started my journey to finding authentic love, I knew the first step was to get real with myself. I had to face some hard truths I was previously ignoring. But I knew if I could accept these things, I would find the love I was craving.

So, if you’re ready for authentic love with a committed partner, these questions are your starting point.

As you work your way through these five truths, ask yourself:

How can I apply this to my own journey? Have I accepted this truth? What do I still need to admit to myself?

Grab your journal, light a candle, and carve out some much-needed me time. Get ready to bust down those walls and make way for more love.

The Five Truths about Love:

1. Love is a mirror.

All the people who show up in our lives serve as a mirror. And this is especially true in love and relationships. The beliefs we carry about love and potential partners will show up in the people we are dating. This is why we keep attracting the same type of man or our relationships keep following the same patterns.

Let’s say that, deep down, you believe all men will cheat and leave you at some point. Guess what type of men show up in your life?

Or, maybe, you really believe that long-lasting relationships never work because your parents got divorced. It won’t be surprising that your relationships tend to end after six months or even a couple of years.

Deep down, you don’t believe it’s possible for you, so your relationships are mirroring back your deep-held beliefs.

I know this can be a hard truth to accept but the beauty of this is that you have the power to change it. Every day is a new opportunity for new beliefs and truths. Every date is a new opportunity to change the experience for yourself.

When we start to believe that love is possible and a committed partner is out there for us, we don’t accept anything less than that. We start to make new choices and we stop chasing people who aren’t available. We start to believe in our self-worth and date people who reflect our worthiness.

Take some time today and list out all the beliefs you have about love and start to write a new story for yourself.

You are incredibly powerful and finding authentic love is within your reach.

2. There is no perfect person.

This is a hard truth that keeps most women stuck in their dating journey.

With dating apps and limited attention spans these days, it’s easier than ever for women to dismiss a potential partner for any reason.

Now, let me preface this truth by saying that it is possible for you to find a partner who shares the values you desire. It is possible to find a partner who checks most of your boxes and treats you amazingly.

But the truth is that you are blocking these types of people from showing up in your life because you are waiting for someone who doesn’t exist.

I’ve heard so many women complain that there are no good men left, yet they immediately say no to anyone trying to date them. Or they only focus on the one thing a man did that they didn’t like.

The truth you must accept is that there is no perfect person. Your knight in shining armor is not going to rescue you (and I believe in fairy tales!). But waiting for a perfect partner is a lie that will keep you unlucky in love.

I go through a detailed process of listing out desired qualities with my clients, but I can walk you through a simplified version now.

Start by listing out your top 10 desired qualities in a partner—the ones who really matter to you in your life partner.  Now, go back through your list and circle your top three traits. I call these your “non-negotiables” and you do not budge on them.

Let’s say that the top three traits you want in a man are to be kind, adventurous, and spiritual. These are the traits that must be in your life partner.

So, a man shows up and lives by these traits but maybe he doesn’t have the career you envisioned, or he’s not the age you pictured yourself with. Instead of immediately friend-zoning him, I want to challenge you to take a leap and see how the relationship progresses.

More often than not, the person you end up with may appear completely different than who you imagined. But let yourself be surprised.

Write out your top three traits and be open to what kind of men show up in your life. Drop the idea of perfection and be open to new surprises.

You never know who is out there for you!

3. Stop only focusing on physical features.

Nothing will keep us stuck in a pattern of short-term flings like solely focusing on what our dates look like.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard women say that they are looking for a man who is “over six feet tall.” When I ask what other traits matter to them, they stare at me blankly.

Ladies, stop only focusing on what your date looks like! This may have worked in high school, but you aren’t 16 years old anymore. If we truly want deep love with a committed partner, we need to date like a grown-up.

By only focusing on what a person looks like, we are doing two things that block us from love:

First, we are telling the universe that this is the only thing that matters, therefore, we will continue to meet good-looking people with whom we probably don’t have much in common.

Second, we are setting ourselves up for a short-term fling because we cannot solely bond on how we look. The excitement will fade fast.

(Now, if you are looking for a short-term fling, then keep doing this. But I know my readers are looking for something much more.)

Now, I get it, I used to do this too. I was hyper-focused on what the man looked like over what kind of person he was. No wonder my relationships didn’t last past a couple of months.

What I realized as I went along my journey is that attraction grows between two people who have similar values. Looks fade, values do not. Of course, we have to be physically attracted to our partner, and that matters a lot, but it should not be the basis of the relationship.

Next time you are dealing with a difficult situation in life, ask yourself this: do you want a committed man who values you and is there for you in an instant, or do you want a man who you like to look at but can’t even rely on to pick up your phone calls?

I’ll let you be the judge of that one.

4. Love does not complete you.

Accepting this truth is going to require you to reprogram your mind. Stop treating your life like a romantic comedy.

How many times have we seen a movie where a woman hates her life because she is single, then a man suddenly shows up and she’s happy?

This is not how real love works. Love is not there to complete our lives. Authentic love fits into our already full lives. Our happiness does not depend on it.

If we expect our partners to be our entire world, we are setting ourselves up for codependency and eventual heartbreak. Not to mention how unfair it is to expect this from our partners.

Our partners cannot be our entertainment, validation, source of happiness, accountability, soul mate, date planner, and perfect ideal of a person all at once.

The truth is that only you are in charge of creating a full life for yourself. One that you cannot wait to share with someone you love.

It wasn’t until I focused on my own happiness and creating a life I loved that my soul mate appeared effortlessly. I had my own goals, dreams, creative outlets, and hobbies before he entered. I knew how to build up my own happiness and not expect it from him. Of course, he made me happy (and still does!), but he’s not responsible for being my entire world.

Even now that I am married, I still hold true to this. I have my own goals and dreams, he has his, and we have the ones we create together. We are two complete people building an amazing future together.

Where in your life are you still holding back or waiting for a man to do?

Book that trip, enroll in that class, go to that meet-up. Fill up your cup with happiness, so when your partner enters your life you can just enjoy him for who he is.

5. You’re not unlucky in love.

Listen, you amazing woman reading this right now, you are not unlucky in love.

No matter how many times you’ve been ghosted, no matter how many heartbreaks you’ve been through, no matter how many of your friends have found their person, no matter how many failed dates you’ve agreed to go on, you are not unlucky in love.

In fact, you are an incredibly powerful creator capable of amazing things—capable of finding your soul mate.

But it’s time to get real with yourself. How many of the above truths have you ignored in your dating journey?

How many red flags have you brushed off, even when your gut was telling you what you needed to know?

How many times have you not spoken up or shown your true self?

How many times have you accepted bad behavior from men?

How many times have you not shared how you really feel because you want to be the “chill girl” who is unaffected?

It’s time to stop doing this! It’s time to stand up for yourself and what you want. It’s time to realize how special and worthy you are.

Once you believe in your worth, the people you date will mirror it back to you. Once you stop ignoring red flags and stop staying in relationships you know won’t last, you make way for high-quality partners to enter your life.

Ladies, it’s time to get out of your own way and only accept the type of love you know you deserve.

Now, I want to know, which of the five truths do you need to admit to yourself?

If you’re ready to stop the guessing game and go through this process with a coach by your side, connect with me and I will help you rewrite your belief system and find love for good.

You never know what magic is waiting for you on the other side.

Happy dating,
Annie

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