The Truth About “True Love.”

Via Ben Neal
on Sep 27, 2013
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Endless love

Do you believe in love?

I’m talking about that deep down, life changing, earth shaking, always-and-forever kind of love—the stuff of poetry and legend.

Many people are skeptical, and for good reason. Today’s culture isn’t very fertile ground for romance.  With social media, text messaging and online dating, we’ve revolutionized communication but we’ve lost the art of relationship. There are very few success stories. (Sometimes it seems like there are very few people having real, face-to-face conversations anymore!)

But I believe. Scratch that. I know.

True love is real—deep, unconditional, everlasting love. The reason it is so rare is because it is so misunderstood.

Most people’s idea of “true love” looks something like this: Mr. or Mrs. Right is waiting out there somewhere, “the One” they are destined to be with. And that special someone is looking for them too, and it’s only a matter of time before they meet each other—and of course, they’ll both live happily ever after.


Happily ever after doesn’t exist. And God didn’t hand pick one special person just for you. In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion.

The truth is, love can only be found within.

Most people who are looking for love “out there” are actually just running away from loneliness. They constantly settle for less than what they want, and less than what they deserve, because their greatest fear is to be alone, grow old alone and die alone.

The fear of loneliness prevents us from experiencing real intimacy. True love lies beyond that fear. We have to face what Louis C.K. calls the “forever empty,” the unquenchable sadness deep within us; the ever present knowledge of our own mortality, that in the end we all face death all alone.

The truth is that real love requires real inner work that most people just aren’t interested in. It requires that we first be happy in our solitude; that we come to know ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. We have to find our peace of mind, find our purpose, our passion, our joie de vivre.

It requires that we lay down the ego’s defenses and be naked and vulnerable; that we give up our planning and fantasizing about the future and live in the Now. Only then are we really ready to love. When you fully grasp that tomorrow is not guaranteed—that this moment is truly all that we have—there is nothing to do but give everything you’ve got, expecting nothing in return.

In fact, you know in advance that your heart will be broken. You will be lied to, you will be taken for granted; you will be hurt and disappointed. Sooner or later, between here and your deathbed, you will have to say goodbye. You know it, you accept it, and you love anyway.

Real love is divine. It comes from a relationship with God, a dance with emptiness which takes us beyond the human self, beyond the ego’s petty games to know a timeless love; to taste the fullness of joy.

What we call “true love” is that rare and sacred union that happens when two people join in this dance together.

It is a friendship, a love affair and an act of worship. Passion, lust, affection, caring, trust, respect and devotion all become part of an exquisite surrender. Lovers merge with each other and with the vast, wild universe. Neither knows for sure if it will last a weekend or a lifetime. It doesn’t matter.

All that matters is this moment of oneness—holy and beautiful.

It contains eternity.


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Ed: Cat Beekmans



About Ben Neal

Ben Neal is a father, a musician, a mystic poet and lover of Zen. He lives with his beloved in Kansas City, writing and teaching meditation and experiential spirituality, tending his garden, raising his son and riding the wave of global Awakening. He loves to have passionate philosophical discussions on the nature of ultimate reality over hand crafted Belgian-style ale. He aims to suck the marrow out of life, and infect the world with unbounded Love and Freedom. Connect with him on Facebook or on his blog.


58 Responses to “The Truth About “True Love.””

  1. Nancy says:

    The b eauty with-in a person, the glowing ora from the inside.. How it really reveals the true colors so we can see the exisiing soul…. Not our outer flesh …. which looks like a sea shell…. Women complementsl lifes sight…for our eyes to see the beauty of such curves, and structure….most appreciate thank you truly….Nancy Bucks "

  2. Kim says:

    So on point, one of the best descriptions of true love I've ever read.

  3. Hreekh Siddhartha says:

    What ben said is ture. But i think there is distinguish between true love and real love. Love is devine, true. To truely love someone u have to know the inner loneliness or forever emptiness thats lies with in so u can undersatand that only true love can fill up these space. When u truely love someone by ur own undersatnding of urself u try to fill up that person forever emptiness . Like ben said doesnt matter that person lie to u or make u hurt u still love that person. Its a real love. Which u have for that person. But it doesnt mean u r in true love . when that other person also has that real love for u truely then u both in a true love. Thats my understanding. I think ben missed out a critical poient anout true love. The ultimate and true understanding or knowing between two person those who r in love to one another.True love never ment to be single it ment to be purual. What i mean is its not enough to find the love with in urself unless u find it because u want to give it to someone and same way u want to fill up urself with that someones love. When u r in ture love its devine its magic. Even if u try u cant lie or hurt, other person too ,cuz then u lie and hurt urself and it ll not be devine and magic if u or ur other person do so. It means u never realy ultimately knew or understood each other.

  4. Liz says:

    You just said it all. I try, often in vain, to explain love this way. Instead, today I will share this. Could not have said it better myself (and I have tried!). Thank you for the beautiful article and my renewed faith in the human race.

  5. Vicky says:

    I love, truly love the connection, the chemistry you experience , when you let go and immerse yourself in those moments. It’s living in the present at its finest! But Love can’t be found or picked. Love already exists in each one of us. So love yourself with loving kindness and the universe will provide and reciprocate that same loving kindness! You will hurt when, but you will still love anyway!

  6. Jason says:

    "The truth is that real love requires real inner work that most people just aren’t interested in."

    Nailed it. This is exactly why I just lost my partner.

  7. Evergreen21 says:

    Absolutely love this article. But then I watched Leonardo DiCaprio and Clare Danes in Romeo + Juliet and spent the next two days dying inside for someone to look at me the way Romeo looked at Juliet and vice versa. Can you have both? Can you ascribe to your philosophy but have the fairy tale love all in one? Pleases say yes! I've been holding out for 31 years and am pretty sure I can wait forever if that what it takes!

  8. Vickie says:

    Beautiful words!