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“Boys will be boys,” I say out loud as I sit with my girlfriends, enjoying a few cocktails on a Saturday night.
Laughter is the main goal for these evenings. But often, we find ourselves dramatically shaking our heads from side to side after each woman takes her turn while gently expressing concerns about her relationship.
Some of the stories are rather comical.
Men and women really are from two different worlds.
As much as each person is different from the next, there are similarities that make up who we are (as a gender) as a whole.
Women have an idea of what the perfect partner would look like. They’re not expectations in some sort of a checklist, but more so in having standards on what they deserve.
We want to be treated with kindness, respect, and love.
It’s really that simple.
But there are, let’s say, certain characteristics that we need within the relationship to make us feel happy and loved.
It’s different for each of us. But generally speaking, we want someone who supports us in all that we do, even in some of our crazy ideas. We want someone who makes us feel beautiful, even on our not-so-pretty days. Someone who makes us feel safe in every possible way. Someone who does the little things just so we know that they care and are thinking of us. Someone who opens up to us and communicates. Someone who is honest and trustworthy. Someone who makes us feel comfortable in our own skin, while not making us feel bad about ourselves.
And someone to stand by us through the ups and downs.
But most importantly, he must never, ever let us forget how much he loves us.
Really, we are not asking for too much.
Even though we clearly spell it out for them, men are still clueless on how easy it is to make us happy. They do some really stupid things that drive us crazy. But it doesn’t mean they don’t love us. Sometimes, they just are…men.
I interviewed several men to find out what the biggest complaints were from their partners and why they continue to do them despite the continued complaints.
Here are nine dumb things men do in relationships and why they do them:
1. He is forgetful.
He forgets a lot. He forgets important events or holidays like birthdays, anniversaries, or even Valentine’s Day.
He forgets to do chores or pick up milk on the way home from the office.
None of this is intentional. He is not an insensitive jerk. Men just forget.
But that doesn’t mean he can use that as an excuse not to work on it, especially if it is something important to us.
2. He is selfish in the bedroom.
He is extremely selfish when it comes to the sexy time. Maybe he doesn’t wait to pleasure her first before he finishes. Or he doesn’t worry at all about making her orgasm. He might not hold her close or kiss her afterward.
He never learned how to treat a woman in the bedroom. Sexuality is learned through experience, but one has come along to show him how to slow down. No one has shown him how much more exciting it can be when both partners are receiving complete bliss.
It is never too late to teach him how it’s done correctly. Don’t accept his quick, fast lovemaking as the final thing. As long as he is open to learning, he is a keeper.
3. He doesn’t say “I love you”.
He doesn’t say the words, or if he does, it’s hardly at all.
Men in committed and loving relationships trust that it’s already known, and, therefore, they don’t feel the need to say it. If the relationship is serious, he probably assumes she already knows this.
As long as he shows her just how much he loves her, that is what really matters.
4. He lacks the ability to show affection.
He may be very good at saying “I love you,” but he doesn’t know how to actually show her the way he feels. His ability to show affection is nonexistent.
This sometimes comes off as losing interest.
Many internal struggles can affect a person’s ability to show love. He may have anxiety, depression, or stress. It has nothing to do with her. He just needs to work on some things.
Make sure to check in with his well-being. He may need it.
5. He doesn’t communicate.
He just doesn’t walk his talk. Communication is extremely important in every relationship. So when he doesn’t want to communicate, it may drive her insane.
Maybe he is in a bad mood. Maybe someone at work gave him a hard time. Everyone deserves a little time by themselves to shake off the day.
He feels terrible knowing he is hurting her by not wanting to talk.
It’s important to let him know that it is okay to take some time alone. But it would be appreciated if he would communicate his need for space. A simple text will do the trick. Not saying anything at all sets off all kinds of alarms.
6. He forgets about the toilet seat etiquette.
I don’t even want to admit how many times, in the middle of the night, my ass fell into the toilet bowl because he didn’t put down the seat. Granted, if the light was on, it wouldn’t have happened.
But to my defense, the light would have woken me up, so I took my chances.
He already thinks he is doing her a favor by lifting the seat in the first place. Ever wonder what would happen if he just didn’t lift the seat in the first place? He would have peed all over the seat. And he wouldn’t clean it up. So lifting the seat alone is actually doing her a solid favor.
Post-it notes work great as a reminder to lift the seat when peeing, and place it back accordingly once he’s done.
7. He doesn’t call or text when running late.
He doesn’t feel the need to call or text when he is running late.
He doesn’t think he is late nor thinks it will make much of a difference.
We might have to explain to him that timing is everything to us, especially when we are super busy. Every minute counts.
8. He doesn’t make decisions.
He always leaves it up to her to make the decisions. She is tired of always choosing. She thinks he is lazy and doesn’t want to participate.
He is only trying to let her have her way. He doesn’t want to fight with her.
He doesn’t understand that in order to maintain a healthy relationship, each partner must participate in making decisions together. If one person is making all the decisions, they will feel as if they are the only ones in the relationship.
9. He overreacts.
Guys often react without thinking. They are more impulsive. Add liquor and you have an instant asshole. Overreaction is his way of protecting himself.
Let him know that it’s okay to put down his guard. There is nothing to fear.
As long as we have a loving and caring relationship, some of the little things can be overlooked. The other stuff can be worked on.
Start from the beginning: set checkpoints to make sure both parties feel the relationship is on track. Be open and honest with your partner. It’s so easy to lose communication and to create uncertainty.
So boys can still be boys. And they might always do some dumb things.
But both sides need to work together in order to go the distance.
Love is worth the effort.