There is something so interesting happening lately that is impacting young men—mostly under 30.
And what is amazing is that many of these guys are seeking help. This is big, as for so many men of any age, seeking help for anything sexual is such a big thing.
What’s happening is that many of these young men are struggling with quick ejaculation, and often, this is linked to erection issues. It’s fantastic that these young men firstly acknowledge that there is an issue, and they’re doing something about it.
When it happens at that age, we so often ignore it, think it will get better or go away, or pretend it’s not there—we deflect it, suppress it.
But it doesn’t go away.
And so many men live in silent pain—with such deep impact on themselves, their relationships, their pleasure, and their lives.
It touches our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our energy, every part of who we are. It takes enormous courage for these young guys to acknowledge this, acknowledge themselves in this way. It takes willingness to engage with their sexuality, with themselves as sexual beings.
And from that willingness, something emerges.
I think less and less about fixing the problem and more and more about the possibility that exists in the situation.
I think less and less about focusing on the problem and more and more about a different perspective on sex and pleasure on performance and pressure.
I think less and less about going down the rabbit hole of contraction and more and more about expanding into the body, the heart, allowing the body to do what it knows, naturally, to flow into an expression of sexuality that’s more present, that’s more about pleasure and intimacy.
That doesn’t mean we ignore what’s there, what’s happening. We simply begin to understand that there is another way.
It’s the way of knowing that within us is the wisdom to be wonderfully functioning sexual beings, to have amazing sexual control, to express ourselves freely in pleasure. And with this shift, so much begins to happen.
When we focus on the problem, we create pressure, and fixing the problem becomes pressure, and when it doesn’t happen in the way we think it should, in the time we think it should, we create more pressure.
We see ourselves as failures, as less than in sexual terms, as less of a man. And we move further away from the pleasure—from the possibility. We contract more, which is one of the deep causes of erection and ejaculation issues. We tighten more, tense more.
And everything shuts down even more.
There is another way, and in the beginning, it seems counterintuitive.
It’s a way of softening. Into ourselves, into our bodies, into our genitals, into our hearts, into our energy, into our sexuality. In the softening, we’re able to connect with ourselves, with that which is within us; it’s there already.
And that’s where things change.
That’s where we find our sexuality and the power of our sexuality. It’s not in tight, it’s not in hard: it’s in letting go—in surrender. And it works.
We’re not ignoring the problem; we’re coming to it in a different way, from another direction. And it works.
And here’s what’s so beautiful because what comes with it is an expansion of how we see sex and pleasure, how we see intimacy. And how this expands into other areas of life. And how it brings greater fulfillment, deeper relationships.
It breaks the patterns that have been with us sometimes for generations. It breaks the limited perspectives and beliefs about sexuality and pleasure that we’ve been given by many aspects of society.
It frees us into possibility.
Maybe more than anything else, it’s a journey into consciousness. And one of the definitions of “Conscious Sexuality” is to be present in sex and to allow whatever arises to be there.
And in what arises is the possibility.
In what we may see as a problem is the seed of possibility.
And we see it’s not just about coming really quickly. Our sexuality is not in a vacuum; it’s connected to every aspect of our being, connected to more in our bodies, deeply connected to our hearts, our throats and more.
These young men, engaging with, learning about their sexuality are warriors of pleasure, of possibility.
And I love sharing with you. Thank you.