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April 13, 2022

Dating Doesn’t Have to Suck

Dating doesn’t suck. It’s the choices we make that suck. When we meet someone new, our reaction to their issues shouldn’t be: I can fix this or this will get better once we fall in love, move in, get married…We need to stop this wishful thinking.

There are times in our lives when we feel most vulnerable, lonely or anxious about whether we will find true love. In those moments, we have to be most keen to not allow people in our lives who have issues they need to resolve before they enter a healthy, committed relationship.

You will always attract different types of people, and you can choose to fall in love with someone who is mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially healthy. In the past, you may have overlooked this type of person because this relationship isn’t going to take you for a rollercoaster ride, and many of us are addicted to drama. Instead of looking for 100% of your thrills from a lover, seek out other experiences to help you create a fulfilling, meaningful, dynamic life.

If you want to save someone, volunteer at a shelter, a children’s organization or an animal rescue. Fulfill the urge to caretake somewhere where people or animals are requesting assistance and will appreciate your help.

A mutually beneficial relationship where you are supportive of each other may be a new concept for you, and as soon as you adopt this belief, all those emotions of feeling depleted, exhausted, stressed, depressed and anxious will start to disappear. Adults who are dating should be emotionally, spiritually, mentally physically and financially independent, seeking the love and companionship of another wonderful human being.  Your healthy lover won’t be a “work in progress,” and you won’t be begging this person to change.

A lot of people view a relationship as a final destination, but falling in love is one piece of life’s puzzle. Engage with people who care about you and who are living exciting lives. Keep asking yourself, “What do I want?” so you can fulfill your own passions. Take the pressure off your partner to meet your every need and don’t make it your hobby to “fix” another human being unless you are a therapist or a medical professional who is being paid for this service.

People who have addictive issues can only work on themselves. No one can help them if they don’t see the problem or don’t care to fix it. By believing you can “save” people, all you are doing is creating misery for yourself as you get all caught up in their self-sabotaging behaviors that they don’t really care to change. Worse, the person didn’t ask you to “fix” anything. We took that upon ourselves, and we will pay the price dearly.

These relationships end leaving you feeling discouraged and deflated. Then you have to spend your time and energy putting the pieces of your life back together. I hope moving forward that when you meet people who have serious issues, you don’t get involved. Make your spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and financial health a priority.

When you engage with people who are capable of being in a loving, committed relationship, you are opening your heart and mind for someone worthy to enter your life. Allow yourself to settle into a relationship with a partner who isn’t expecting anything out of you except companionship. Welcome to the world of true love.

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Georgette Van Vliet  |  Contribution: 2,860