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I’ve always used the online world to write down the words that are on my mind, and allow them to flow outside of me loudly, so I can receive the mirror back.
I’ve never been that girl journaling in a diary locked away. I am that girl you can see all her emotions on her face and/or in her eyes. So I began journaling to find my voice in the world.
My journaling started the day I came online here. From this journaling, I was picked up by a publisher and wrote my first book. From this journaling, I also found my voice and my ability to become more connected to myself.
So many tell me to write less. So many tell me to sell myself, the programs, and the things I create more. So many ask me to use my platform to promote them. So many tell me I am too much or I should be a different way. So many tell me I should create perfect pictures and art with more professionalism. So many tell me I should give more and do more and be anything other than who I am.
I hear all these voices and I feel deeply overwhelmed, because I only came here to be myself, whatever that be in the moments I share, or when I find myself between my internal world and this external world.
I came here to create my art and share it just as I am, not with perfection or a number of underlying reasons.
I came here to share my hurt and suffering, joys and happiness, just as I am without putting them into perfectly executed words.
I came here to share my movements and the lessons I learned, hoping that they may help others, not to be the best or make the biggest sale, but to create a life worth living and leave something more in the world for others.
Today, I am tired and I feel lost between these questions:
Am I worthy enough?
Will the world one day love people without a condition or number?
Will I be able to provide for my daughter comfortably or will I always feel this stressed?
Today, I am a little bit tired as I wonder when the world will give me back a little bit of ease, because I am running out of steam.
Today, I am tired of wondering if I will (or do) make a difference and will ever reach my goals.
Today, I am tired. I know tomorrow will be different. So I release my words from my mind here. I journal, I sit with it all, and I wait and see.
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