Having no intimacy in marriage is like having the river in the middle of a garden dry up.
Sometimes I wonder how couples go from we-can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other to when-did-we-last-have-sex.
Unfortunately, the best of times for many sexual relationships used to be during courtships.
Then follows the hectic plan for a wedding made in heaven where the bells ring and everywhere is white—perfect image, isn’t it?
The following months—and probably a year or two—seem to be hot; there is so much kissing, caressing, smushing, and sex.
And then boom!
We are hit with children to cater to, a job to run to, and multiple bills to pay. Life just keeps getting busier and busier (and sometimes boring) until we forget why exactly we married our spouse.
Before we proceed, let us first establish the fact that intimacy is not only tied to sex.
In plain words, intimacy includes the feeling of being open to someone, being able to confine in a person, trust, care, and, of course, love.
Because of the different love languages that we all communicate, there will be variations in what we think intimacy is all about and how we express it.
Now imagine for a moment what it feels to not stare deep into the eyes of our spouse, kiss our spouse, hold hands when we walk, wrap ourselves around each other while we sleep, feel and smell the skin of our spouse, and have sex.
That’s a bad feeling, right? But unfortunately, most couples live like this.
The outcome of having no intimacy in marriage is only dangerous consequences that can turn our marital life into a disaster.
So, in this article, I am going to reveal seven dangerous consequences of no intimacy in marriage. Keep reading!
1. Depleting self-worth
If we keep getting shut off or ignored by our partner when we make intimate advances, it can lead to a depletion in self-worth.
According to research, our relationship’s satisfaction can be greatly affected by self-esteem.
When this feeling is bottled up, it could make one think that they are not enough or they don’t have what it takes to please their partner.
This can leave us in a confused and depressive state and we feel like our life force is slipping away. It is possible to see that this bedroom matter could spill into our professional life, affect our relationship with others negatively, and make us feel we are not able to satisfy one’s needs.
2. Lack of interest in one another
Every time we avoid kissing or hugging our partner, it takes us a step away from them.
And as we continue to show less intimacy and concern toward our marriage bonding, that bond begins to snap.
Unfortunately, we find ourselves less interested in what we and our partner once shared and start putting ourselves before them.
According to research on marital satisfaction and stability in the 2010s, on average, marital satisfaction declines over time.
Intimacy connects two strangers making them a couple, but when there is no intimacy in a marriage, the marriage only becomes a home where two strange adults cohabit together.
3. You neglect activities
When there is no intimacy in marriage, there is no love.
Sadly, nothing is as bad as a loveless marriage.
With love, we would agree to do the house chores, walk the dog, pick the kids from school, buy expensive gifts without blinking—anything for love!
But the outcome of the fizzling of intimacy is the on-raging arguments between who shoulders more responsibilities, playing the blame game, nagging, bickering, and so on.
Now, everything feels like work and not done for the craziness of love.
4. The thoughts of compromising become high
There is always a higher tendency for those in a less sexually satisfying and unhappy marriage to compromise on their wedding vows.
Naturally, when people don’t get what they want after several trials, which proves less effective, they give up and move somewhere else where they think they can achieve what they are looking for.
The same can also happen in marriages: people abandoning their homes while others signing for divorce or indulging in a side relationship that gives them all the intimacy they crave for.
This stands as one of the most dangerous consequences of no intimacy in marriage.
Another dangerous consequence of no intimacy in marriage is loneliness.
The lack of intimacy makes couples draw apart from each other. Because they don’t feel like they are a couple and don’t share a brain anymore, loneliness creeps in and they start feeling trapped.
Sadly, the feeling of loneliness in a marriage speeds things up toward one outcome: divorce.
6. Poor body and identity image
As we try to gain back our partner’s attention and intimate responses toward us, we might fall into the trap of faking our image into what we think might appease him/her.
If we think our spouse would fall for muscular or slender people, we might find ourselves trying to fit into that category which, therefore, reduces the confidence we have in ourselves.
7. You begin taking your spouse for granted
When there is no intimacy in marriage, we start taking our spouse for granted.
Because the intimacy we once craved from him/her can be gotten elsewhere, the strong need to have our spouse around isn’t there anymore.
Certain things like sex toys and pornographic materials, or even some other person, can be used as a means of gratification to fill the void of intimacy.
The list of the consequences of no intimacy in marriage can keep going on and on.
Outcome: it always ends badly unless someone raises a hand for help.
Apart from having kids and family pressure, intimacy is the real reason why people should get married.
It is the key ingredient that spices up marriages and the gear that makes a marriage work.
Without intimacy, couples would lose the literal meaning of being a couple and just be two strange adults living as roommates.
If you struggling in a marriage where there is no intimacy and looking forward to rescuing the situation, then going for marriage counseling and rebuilding your intimacy may be a good idea.