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I wake up in the middle of the night, when a wave hits me while sleeping in my bed.
I wake up to write.
I have been wrestling with the past both in my body and in my mind. I have been yearning for a father who is gone. I have been hearing the voice of a husband who lives only in my head. My body feels it all, and the waves crash.
This is the wave that hits and pulls me from sleep.
We all need and want love—an unconditional love.
This is the stuff that songs are made of and there are so many versions. Wrestling with the demons of our past is a common thread.
We are the trailblazers in search of love. We cling to the “archetypes” of fairytales. I too have fallen for this, and like Gretel in the forest, I have left crumbs to find my way back to “love.”
Do these crumbs still exist?
Will I find my way out of the dark forest and back to love?
In the middle of the night, these are the questions I ask.
Perhaps, this love has nothing to do with another and everything to do with the love that resides within.
A little bit of love might look this on any given day:
A warm blanket and a hot cup of tea.
Poetry and music.
Crystals and healing stones.
Paints and photography.
Chocolate in the morning with coffee.
A black and white movie.
Book store jaunts.
New journals and pens.
The list goes on.
Self-love is a little bit of love when the waves crash. When you find yourself alone in the forest, looking for the light and the way out, and you need to become your own light in the darkness.
A little bit of love comes from somewhere deep inside. You become the mother who rocks you in the darkness and dries your tears.
You become the ocean.
You are the love.
Dear one, wrap yourself in the light of love and sleep peacefully.
As I finish penning this, my heart and mind soften. I play some music and get ready to slip back into sleep.
The waves might come again, yet I know I have a little bit of love within.
And darling, so do you.